Attachment Parenting and Our Family.

Welcome to the November Carnival of Natural Parenting: What is natural parenting?
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our Carnival coincides with the launch of Natural Parents Network, a community of parents and parents-to-be who practice or are interested in attachment parenting and natural family living. Join us at Natural Parents Network to be informed, empowered, and inspired!
Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
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It seems that every so often I hear the question, How did you find attachment parenting?

For our family the answer is very simple. We didn't.


I guess, in a way, it would be more accurate to say it found us.

When Beanie was born we didn't set out to parent in one particular way or another. We knew there were certain things that our parents did that we didn't want to do. We largely followed our instincts and parented in a way that seemed most logical and "right." We didn't know there was a label to how we were parenting. It wasn't until later we learned that we were following a philosophy of parenting called attachment parenting. Attachment parenting is responsive parenting, respectful parenting and instinctual parenting. It's a tool or set of ideas, not a checklist to which you must comply. Dr. Sears talks about the Seven Attachment Tools, or Baby B's, which are:

• Birth bonding
• Breastfeeding
• Babywearing
• Bedding close to baby (or bed-sharing or co-sleeping)
• Belief in the language value of your baby's cry
• Beware of baby trainers
• Balance

All seven of the attachment tools are important to our family. Some, like breastfeeding or co-sleeping, come more naturally than others, like balance. Each attachment tool sort of fell into place for our family before we even knew there was a name to our instinctual parenting philosophy. Admittedly, some AP practices, like co-sleeping, were more instinctual for me than my husband, but we worked together to make it work well for our family.

I'd like to share in a bit more detail how each of the attachment tools, or Baby B's, has helped our family thrive.

Birth bonding -- We had amazing birth experiences with both Beanie and Bubby. We were fortunate to deliver Beanie with a naturally-minded OB and we were under the care of a midwife for Bubby's birth. Both were delivered at a baby-friendly hospital so we initiated breastfeeding early, roomed in and had visits with lactation consultants. When we got home we worked hard to make sure that we promoted bonding with lots of holding, nursing on demand, and lots of love.

Breastfeeding -- For our family, breastfeeding is more than just a way to nourish our babies (and toddlers). Breastfeeding has become the way we nuture, the way we ease frustrations or pain, and, yes, the way we nourish our children. When Beanie was born I didn't really know a lot about breastfeeding. I just knew I was going to do it. I didn't know how long. When she turned one I questioned the idea that she "didn't need my milk anymore." I wondered what magical switch happened that one day she needed it and the next day she didn't. I didn't worry that, even at one year old, she wasn't all that interested in solids; I knew she was getting what she needed from me. I didn't worry when, as a toddler, she wanted to eat blueberries and Kix all day; I knew she would get the nutrition she needed from me. Breastfeeding Bubby has been an entirely different journey, definitely more difficult with colic, thrush, elimination diets and food intolerances. I am thankful every day to be surrounded by the support I need. I hope that someday I can provide that support to someone else.  I can hardly put into words the impact that breastfeeding both my children has had on me; I've gone from a mom who knew little about breastfeeding to a strong advocate for all breastfeeding and hope-to-be-breastfeeding moms.

Babywearing -- The fact that I let a Moby sit on a closet shelf and go unused with Beanie amuses me now. Amuses me in a sort of angry I can't believe I never used that kind of way. With Bubby, babywearing is something that has made life as a mom of two easier. When Bubby's colic was really bad I would wear him in the Moby almost all day. When I take Beanie to the park I never have to worry about being able to care for both of them; Bubby is always snuggled right up next to me. We now use the Ergo most of the time. I've even gotten Glenn to try it out and he loves wearing Bubby in the Ergo too. I cannot image life as a mom of two without utilizing babywearing. I babywear every day. I love that Bubby is close to me. I love hearing his breath and knowing he is safe. I love when he looks up at me with his big blue eyes and just stares as I carry him around as we go about our day. I love that babywearing makes living life easy.

Bedding close to baby -- When we were pregnant with Beanie, Glenn & I discussed co-sleeping. I think the conversation went a little like this:

"Gosh, some people let their kids sleep in the bed with them!"

"I know. We will never do that."

And then I gave birth to my beautiful daughter and nothing seemed more natural than having her sleep right next to me. In fact, the thought of having her sleep far away in another room was something I could hardly fathom. I was comfortable. She was comfortable. We both slept better. Nighttime parenting and nursing was so much easier. As I stated before, co-sleeping was definitely an instinctual thing for me, not so much for Glenn. With Glenn's work schedule dictating that I be on solo nighttime parenting duty, co-sleeping became my decision by default. Since then, he has seen how much easier it makes things and we've worked on some compromises so everyone is happy with the situation.

Belief in the language value of your baby's cry -- I remember the first time someone told me I needed to let Beanie cry it out (CIO). I think she was about four months old. The thought of leaving her alone to cry broke my heart. It didn't feel right. Forget what any parenting guru tells you, the fact that it caused my anxiety to rise to even think about it told me it was not the path for us. Infants have no other way to communicate than to cry. They can't say "I'm too cold," "I just need you to hold me a bit longer," or "I'm hungry." They don't understand that you're "training" them. They need you and, in my opinion, by leaving them alone to cry it out you are letting them know that you aren't there for them when they're telling you they need it the most. When Bubby cries it's for a reason. We may not know that reason right away, but he can rest assured we will try our best to figure it out. And, even if we can't, we will hold him, nurse him, comfort him, and let him know that his parents are available when he needs them. We don't CIO with our three year-old. She has needs too and sometimes doesn't have the language to communicate them. Sure, sometimes she needs to have a good cry, but we are always there to comfort her and let her know that we are there for her.

Beware of baby trainers --  When Beanie was little, people (mostly family) would ask which method we were using to get her to sleep. They talked of different sleep "experts" and their thoughts on how we should get her to sleep better. Better, of course, is a matter of opinion. I love reading and devour information on parenting and babies left and right, but I can think of no better "expert" on my baby and his or her sleep patterns than myself (or hubby). I've found books with helpful ideas and information to guide us, but I am always leery of anyone who promises to "fix" our sleep problems, especially when we don't necessarily see our children's sleep patterns as problems in the first place.

Balance -- Surely balance is the Baby B that I struggle with the most, especially now as I am struggling with post-partum depression and anxiety. While achieving balance in our lives is a huge challenge, it isn't one that we treat lightly. Both Glenn and I struggle to maintain individual identities beyond that of mother and father, or even that of husband and wife. Somewhere there is that component that makes us individuals as well as caring partners and parents. We strive to find (and make) the time for each of us to remember what that part of us is, whether it is through Glenn's photography and love of nature or my love of writing. I think the struggle for balance is especially hard for breastfeeding mothers of infants, but it is important to get some me time even if it's only twenty minutes of reading or a long shower by yourself.

I am so glad that attachment parenting found us. For our family, attachment parenting makes life easier. It means that everyone in our family, no matter how young, is treated with respect and treated as an individual & an important part of our family. I am positive that our parenting philosophy made the transition into life as a family of four easier.

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Stop by Natural Parents Network today to see excerpts from everyone's posts, and please visit a few to read more! Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants. Three of the participants below will instead be featured on Natural Parents Network throughout the month, so check back at NPN!
This list will be updated by afternoon November 9 with all the carnival links. We've arranged it this month according to the categories of our NPN resource pages on "What Is Natural Parenting?"

Attachment/Responsive Parenting

Attachment/responsive parenting is generally considered to include the following (descriptions/lists are not exhaustive; please follow each link to learn more):

1. PREPARE FOR PREGNANCY, BIRTH, AND PARENTING:
   
   • "Preparing for Pregnancy, Birth and Parenting" — Sheryl at Little Snowflakes knows better now how to prepare for her second baby, focusing on attachment rather than nursery curtains. Watch for her post, which will be featured on Natural Parents Network on Tuesday, November 23. (@sheryljesin)
   • "Begin at the Beginning" — Alison at BluebirdMama examines the first type of natural parenting she experienced: birthing at home. (@BluebirdMama)
2. FEED WITH LOVE AND RESPECT:
   
   • "Going With the {Tandem Milk} Flow" — Despite being told she would never be able to nurse her toddler through pregnancy, Jessika at Job Description: Mommy successfully nursed through her entire pregnancy, and she continues tandem nursing her two little ones fifteen months later! (@JobDescMommy)
   • "Breastfeeding with Love and Respect" — Resisting the pressure to give up, breastfeeding was the way Dionna at NursingFreedom.org persisted in nourishing her son. (@NursingFreedom)
   • "Why Should I Call It Extended?" — Amy at Toddler In Tow provides scientifically based research to support child-led weaning.
3. RESPOND WITH SENSITIVITY:
   
   • "Attachment Parenting Chose Us" — For a child who is born "sensitive," attachment parenting is more a way of life than a parenting "choice." Dionna at Code Name: Mama shares her experiences. (@CodeNameMama)
   • "Parenting in the Present" — Acacia at Be Present Mama parents naturally by being fully present.
   • "Parenting With Heart" — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment parents naturally because healthy attachments early in life help our little ones grow into healthy, functioning adults.
4. USE NURTURING TOUCH:
   
   • "Nurturing through touch" — Lauren at Hobo Mama finds that loving touch is a thread that runs through all her natural parenting practices. (@Hobo_Mama)
5. ENSURE SAFE SLEEP:
   
   • "Sometimes I Wish We Coslept" — Sheila at A Gift Universe has started to add cosleeping into her sleep routines and has found frequently unspoken benefits. Watch for her post, which will be featured on Natural Parents Network on Tuesday, November 30. (@agiftuniverse)
6. PROVIDE CONSISTENT AND LOVING CARE:
   
   • "Attachment Parenting . . . and Nanny Makes Three?" — When Jen at Grow with Graces first started interviewing nannies, she was looking for practicalities. After a few months with her first nanny, she's going to hire someone new, and this time, she'll make sure the nanny believes in AP principles. (@growwithgraces)
   • "Do You Have This?" — For Rachael at The Variegated Life, natural parenting is about love and giving, rather than the alienation and longing present in so many in our Western culture. (@RachaelNevins)
   • "What Natural Parenting Looks Like in Our Family" — Sybil at Musings of a Milk Maker shares what natural parenting is like as your little ones grow up.
7. PRACTICE GENTLE/POSITIVE DISCIPLINE:
   
   • "Unconditional Parenting" — The philosophy of Alfie Kohn resonates with Erin at Multiple Musings, who does not want to parent (or teach) using rewards and punishment. (@ErinLittle)
8. STRIVE FOR BALANCE IN PERSONAL AND FAMILY LIFE:
   
   • "Reducing Screen Time" — How does Mrs. H. at Fleeting Moments meaningfully connect with her kids every day? She turns off the TV.
   • Also see our October Carnival all about finding balance!

Ecological Responsibility and Love of Nature

• "Healing Through Elimination Communication Part 1" — Amy at Innate Parenting explains how practicing elimination communication has helped her whole family gain awareness and healing in many areas of their lives. (@InnateWholeness)
• "Growing Out of Little Potties" — Stacy at Mama-Om is proud to be the "weird lady" who practices elimination communication with her babies. (@mama_om)
• "Let's Talk Diapers" — Lindsey at Mama Cum Laude started using cloth diapers because she felt they were a safer choice for her child; she stuck with them because they are convenient.

Holistic Health Practices

• "Supporting Natural Immunity" — If you have decided against the traditional vaccination schedule, Starr at Earth Mama has some helpful tips for strengthening your children's immune systems naturally.

Natural Learning

• "Acceptance as a Key to Natural Parenting" — Because Mrs. Green at Little Green Blog values accepting and responding to her daughter's needs, she was able to unravel the mystery of her daughter's learning "challenges." (@myzerowaste)
• "Let Them Look" — Betsy at Honest 2 Betsy makes time to look at, to touch, and to drool on the pinecones.
• "Why I Love Unschooling" — Unschooling isn't just about learning for Darcel at The Mahogany Way — it is a way of life. (@MahoganyWayMama)
• "Is He Already Behind?"Ever worry that your baby or toddler is behind the curve? Danielle at born.in.japan will reassure you about the many ways your little one is learning — naturally — every day. Watch for her post, which will be featured on Natural Parents Network on Tuesday, November 16. (@borninjp)
• "How to Help Your Child through Natural Learning" — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now offers tips on how to understand and nurture your child's natural learning style. (@DebChitwood)

Healthy Living

• "What 'Healthy Eating' Means to Me" — Wonder how a family of five makes healthy eating a priority? Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings shares some common sense tips. (@sunfrog)
• "What is Natural Parenting? Embracing Real Food" — Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! has always wanted to give her children the most nutritious foods possible: first through breastfeeding, and later through healthy, whole foods. (@bfmom)

Parenting Philosophies

• "Natural Parenting — Lazy Parenting" — To Olivia at Write About Birth, natural parenting isn't about a fixed set of ideals, but about what is instinctual. (@writeaboutbirth)
• "I'm not the most crunchy, but I'm still au naturel" — Jessica at This is Worthwhile follows her gut and parents with respect, and that's what feels natural to her. (@tisworthwhile)
• "Because Natural comes Naturally" — Breastfeeding, babywearing, cosleeping — Bess at mommakesmilk does these things because they feel right. (@MumtoEve)
• "What Do You Mean 'Natural Parenting'?" — Luschka at Diary of a First Child fell into natural parenting by listening to her baby and her own instincts. (@lvano)
• "One Little Change at a Time" — Ashley at Domestic Chaos made one small change at a time until "natural parenting" wasn't a punchline, but a way of life. (@ashleympoland)
• "WHY Attachment Parenting?" — While they might take some work to put into practice, Momma Jorje at A Slightly Crunchy Momma finds that all of the tenets of attachment parenting fit her family.
• "Yours, Respectfully" — For Kellie at Our Mindful Life, natural parenting is about being respectful: to yourself, your children, and your surroundings.
• "The Natural Parenting Label" — Michelle at The Parent Vortex explains that natural parenting is a mindset, not a set of specific choices or a few fancy acronyms. (@TheParentVortex)
• "When Our Children Are Grown" — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children parents naturally, because she is building a firm foundation for her children.
• "What is Natural Parenting to a Witch Mom?" — Lily at Witch Mom has planned out what she wants for her son, from health to socialization to interactions with the natural world. (@lilyshahar)
• "Attachment Parenting and Our Family" — Semi-crunchy Mama at Adventures in Mommyhood takes us through the way the Baby Bs have transformed their family of four. (@crunchymamato2)
• "I'm a Mama...Naturally" — Andrea!!! at Ella-Bean & Co. didn't intend to parent naturally, but it happened by instinct.

Political and Social Activism

• "A Private Matter" — Amy at Anktangle, who is a Registered Nurse, describes her encounters with circumcision in a medical environment and why they guided her decision to leave her own baby boy intact. (@anktangle)
• "Natural Parenting, Following Our Instincts, and Keeping Our Son Intact" — Kelly at KellyNaturally went against the tide and refused to circumcise her son. (@kellynaturally)
• "Relying on Kindness" — Sure, Navelgazing Bajan at Navelgazing wants her son to be kind — but kindness is not enough. (@BlkWmnDoBF)

My evolution.

Not that kind of evolution.

Although I am much more of a Big Bang type of girl than a the-world-was-created-in-seven-days type girl.

I'm talking about my evolution as a mom. The evolution of my blog. They very closely mirror one another.

When I started this blog I was tired (hence the URL). I was stressed. I was conflicted. I was buying into the assumption that my dear little girl should sleep on her own in her own room. That I shouldn't hold her sleeping in my arms every night until I was ready to lay down myself. That she shouldn't have to nurse to sleep. That she should be sleeping through the night. Those societal assumptions made me feel like I must be doing something wrong.

But, I wasn't. I was following my instincts. I was doing what worked for us. Once I accepted that fact (and, indeed, fully embraced it) I was happy. My little girl slept better next to me. I slept better next to her. She did need to nurse to sleep -- maybe not for nourishment, but most definitely for comfort. And, really, when you're breastfeeding the line between the two is often blurred and doesn't really need to be distinguished.

There was no need for us to wean at one. Or even two. We would wean when we were both ready. Luckily, in our case, the timing aligned very well.

Now I'm a mom of two. I don't have the anxiety or worry about whether I'm doing things in the way the majority of our society approves of. I do things the way that works for us. The way that feels right to me and my family. This doesn't amount to judgment of how others choose to parent and I wish, at times, I didn't feel so judged or ostracized for how I choose to parent (although, recently I have met more and more people who parent similarly and it does make things easier). Bubby is a more independent sleeper than Beanie was, but we cosleep. He naps on his own which is something Beanie didn't care to do for quite a long time. I sleep better with him sleeping next to us. Since Bubby is a better sleeper, Glenn does too. We nurse on demand. He often nurses to sleep. Unlike Beanie (who would stay latched on all night if I'd let her), Bubby often pops off when he's done and falls asleep. I hold him in my arms every night until I lay down. I comfort him immediately when he's fussy or upset.

And this time around I don't question any of it. It is a much better feeling, being confident in how you are parenting, knowing you are doing what's best for your child, not worrying about what others think. It's freeing. It's allowed me to evolve into a better mom. A better person.

This blog has closely chronicled all these things for me. It's helped me sort things out in my head. It's helped me meet people who are supportive and encouraging. I hope it has also helped others. I usually blog about what the "big issue" in my life is at the time. Lately what has consumed me is the elimination diet and trying to identify just what has been going on with Bubby. Who knows what will be next? I feel like I'm finding my groove though and I like it.

For the last three nights...

...Beanie has slept from about 8:30pm - 6am all by herself. Like not even a peep. Sure she hits the wall a few times and, of course, that wakes me up. But, let's face it, I'm up about every 45minutes to turn over because my hips hurt so bad and I have to pee about every hour-and-a-half for the first half of the night. At least someone's sleeping through the night!

See mom, all kids eventually sleep through the night.

*Crossing fingers I didn't just jinx myself*

Either way, seems like we're headed in the right direction.

Just some randomness...

Here's a few random updates. I've been pretty busy (and pretty exhausted) lately.

I've had a lot of contractions over the weekend. So many on Friday night that I called the on-call OB, but she said not to worry unless I had 6-8 in an hour. Seemed like a lot to me. I guess that's part of the joy of a second pregnancy?? Lots of early contractions! Yay. Insert sarcasm here.

It did sort of freak me out because I had a bout of pre-term labor with Beanie at 33 weeks and had to have a shot of terbutaline. I do sort of have a feeling this little guy is planning on coming early (Beanie was 2 weeks early) but I'd like him to bake for at least another month.

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Potty training is going awesome. Beanie is in underwear all the time except for naps and bedtime. She wakes up dry 99.9% of the time. Most of the time she will run to the potty when she needs to go, although, of course, we have accidents every now and again. I'm really glad we waited until she was ready ready and glad that (hopefully) we'll only be buying one size of diapers come April. Or at least that the diapers we buy for her will last a very long time when we're only using one or two a day!

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We went to Target yesterday and stocked up on stuff. Now that I'm almost 34 weeks (eeegads!) I've sort of got the whole -oh-my-god-we-need-to-get-ready mindset. I had a HUGE list of stuff to get -- nursing pads, lanolin, diapers, witch hazel pads, stuff for the hospital bag, sheets and a comforter for 2.0's room. We also got a newborn sized outfit for him to come home in; we already had a 0-3month one to pack, but I'm hoping NB will cut it. For Beanie, her NB sized outfit was big!

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2.0's room is almost done. I'll make sure and post pictures when it is!

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Beanie slept from 8:30 pm - 6am all by herself last night! Then I went and laid down with her for an hour and we slept some more. It's funny...even at 2 1/2 when she sleeps that long I find myself waking up and going in to peek on her. It was 4am and she was laying across her bed horizontally....so cute! As we were reading our bedtime stories last night she told me that I was "too big for her bed" and that I could "sleep in my bed." I'm in agreement!

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There's a HUGE pile of dishes on my kitchen counter. I've been trying to do chores in spurts in hope to not get totally tired out and to fend off any contractions. But, it's hard. I feel bad because Glenn is working like 12+ hours a day, coming home and working on 2.0's room and helping with chores and then going to bed to do it all over again. He's an awesome hubby and dad! I feel like we've both been short on patience with Beanie lately and I feel really bad about that. She's really been a pill lately, so the shortage of patience is probably not unexpected with all else we have going on. She's a sweetheart though -- I love her so much and feel bad because she's so social and would love to be out and about seeing her friends and playing ALL DAY EVERY DAY and, right about now, Mommy feels more like laying on the couch all day. I imagine it's only going to be harder after 2.0 arrives. Crossing fingers Glenn will be able to take a few weeks off work. The last couple days have been a lot better, so I'm hoping maybe we just had a rough start to the week last week. And, I sort of thought I saw reddish gums so maybe her top 2 year molars are getting ready to come in? I think that'd make me cranky too.

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Okay, that's it I suppose! Time to get off this stupid computer :)

I'll have the pancakes. With a side of pee-pee on the potty please.

So today Glenn, Beanie and I headed out to Babies R Us to order the dresser for 2.0's room. We had seen one we liked and, even better, it was a brand that was included in the Babies R Us Great Trade-in Event. We took Beanie's old convertible carseat in and got a coupon for 25% off the dresser. Woohoo! I had sold her other convertible carseat to a friend from my mom's group a week too early...otherwise we could've gotten 25% off something else too! Dangit.



This is the changing table/dresser we got.

We're still up in the air on whether or not we'll buy a crib. We're both leaning towards no. Glenn's brother is going to give us the bassinet they've been using as their daughter isn't sleeping in it anymore. Hopefully the bassinet will last a month or so. And we have the pack and play. While I'm hoping that 2.0 is a more independent sleeper than Beanie was I am also thinking that we will probably end up co-sleeping for at least part of the night, especially after Glenn goes back to work. We'll see. I'm not laying any plans in stone, that's for sure, because I know how all those "plans" went by the wayside with Beanie. I'm sure we will co-sleep some, but I also like being able to stretch out a little in bed and snuggling up next to the hubby, at least for the few hours before he has to go to work.

Anyhoo, off that tangent. Back to pancakes and pee.

After we went to Babies R Us, it was getting a bit late so we decided to just stop and grab something for dinner. I tried to take Beanie to the potty with me while at BRU, but she wanted to "try later." It's pretty awkward trying to squat down and hold her up on the big potty anyways and she is, in fact, a little scared of the "big potty." I imagine it does look pretty big to a two year old. After we ordered our dinner we decided to take her in to try and go potty again. And it worked! The first time she's ever used the "big potty." Well, it sort of worked. It must have been the fact that I was clinging on to her while squatting down with my back in a spasm & the fact that she was sitting all awkwardly trying not to fall in, but when she peed it went all over her legs...like a little pool to her knees. Sigh. What am I missing her you smart mommies who have already potty trained???

We get back to the table where Beanie proudly tells Daddy that she peed on the potty. Well, then the waiter (a youngish male) comes to the table with some extra napkins and Beanie proudly exclaims very loudly, "I pee-peed on the potty!!!!!" I was like oh. my. god. and just laughed. The waiter said, "Oh, that's a good job." It was hilarious. I'm sure the waiter didn't know what to say, but his response was pretty good!

So, one order of pancakes for Beanie. A hamburger, fries and a shake for Mom and sandwich for dad. And an entire restaurant of people that know Beanie peed on the potty. lol.

But, great news, we haven't had any accidents for 5 days. HAPPY DANCE.

Day Eight and Other Randomness.

Today is Day 8 of Beanie wearing undies. She had NO accidents for Daddy yesterday, so woohoo! Hoping the trend keeps up. She has been better about running to the potty when she realizes she needs to go instead of just peeing herself. Progress I tell you!

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The damn cat cost us 300 bucks the other day. Of course, they ran a bunch of tests even though the vet agreed it likely was behavioral. As Glenn pointed out, the vet doesn't get paid if it's behavioral. She gave us some tips like making sure he eats right before we go to bed and trying to give him some attention right before bed. Glenn pointed out that the fact that I get up like every hour to pee and that Beanie sometimes still wakes up a few times at night (gosh, the other night was rough!!) makes Sammycat think we are ignoring him in the middle of the night. Glenn noticeably left out the fact that five days a week he gets up at 2am and the cat wants love (and the baby kicks the crap out of me) for about two hours straight afterwards. As I told Glenn, if it's the case that he wants love because we are up at night (and right now it's a quick stumble to the bathroom to pee) it's only going to get worse when we have a newborn who, if he's anything like his sister, is going to want to nurse all night long.

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Beanie is transitioning very well to independent sleep. Most nights she will sleep all night on her own now. Like last night she slept from 8:30 to 6:00. Some nights she wakes once for a quick cuddle, but, other than that, mostly sleeps on her own. I usually lie down with her for an hour or so in the mornings just so I can squeak out a little more sleep.

Night before last was horrible though. She was having bad dreams and up numerous times. And, of course, it was the night before I had to work. Somehow she seems to have bad nights a lot on Saturdays (or at least it seems like it). Imagine my chagrin when I get home from work and, while eating dinner, Glenn points out that she had a rough night and good thing it wasn't a work night for him. Um, hello?!?!?!? It was for me damnit!! He pointed out that I don't have to work till the morning, somehow missing the fact that I was up every hour and am almost eight months pregnant and need my dang sleep. lol.

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I'm an Auntie again today! 2.0 is going to be surrounded by cousins. He'll have a cousin just a little over a year older than him, a second cousin just a little less than a year older than him, a cousin about three months older and a cousin about two months older. Bring on the family reunions!! (Not really, those sort of stress me out)

I think that's about it for this lovely morning. Happy Monday!!

A catch-up post.

Well, I've been kinda crappy at posting this last week. I've been busy just trying to figure out life and working on something new. If you want to know what, check out the new linky in "Websites I love" :)

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Sam (our cat) is about to find a new home with the crazy cat lady across the street. She's not crazy like having 150 cats or anything, but she's a crazy cat lady nonetheless. She has a cat flag hanging outside her house. And, no joke, during the nice weather she takes her little kitties out for walks in kitty cat strollers. Apparently a few weeks ago she came to the door in tears because some other neighbor had lost their cat. But, anyways, Sam is being horrible lately. Whether it's because he wants attention or he's just a turd or whatever. I don't really care why; it's driving me nuts. He pooped on the floor. Last night he threw up twice. He's scratching up the doors. He bit Beanie the other day (to which she promptly told him he was a bad kitty and needed to say sorry). Anyhoo, he's about *this* close to finding himself at the cat sanctuary across the street.

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Beanie has been doing very well with sleeping on her own. I am very happy about that. In fact, she's mostly done it on her own. She may wake up once during the night and need a quick hug and pat on the bottom or rub on the back, but then, for the most part, she's back to sleep. I am glad because trying to sleep on her twin bed with no body pillow puts this preggo in tears.

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I'm going to an appointment with a maternity physical therapist this afternoon. Baby 2.0 is so low and I have so much hip pain that I am out of commission many days it seems. Just not working. I have heard good things about him, so I am hoping to get some relief!

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I'm in the 3rd trimester, can you believe it? I hardly can. Only 12 weeks (give or take) until 2.0 is here. I have a whole post written in my head about this point in my pregnancy, but we'll all just have to wait for that one. Let's just say I feel like I'm about 38 weeks pregnant, not 28 1/2.

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I feel like I've been doing fairly well with my New Year's Resolutions. Haven't thrown any of them out yet. Definitely need to work on the financial/budgeting one. Glenn and I have both been vigilant about turning the TV off and what TV Beanie does watch is more educational and what I like to call "good tv." Our new favorite muffins are the Peanut Butter Banana ones from the Deceptively Delicious cookbook. And Beanie has taken to eating peas like they're M&Ms.

Well, that's it for a quick check up. Beanie is asking to dance to "Jamma-Jamma PJ" with me...the CD that came with her Pajama Time book by Sandra Boynton. Adios!

Still sick.

So, no surprise, but I don't really feel like blogging tonight. But, I do want to finish off NaBloWriMo with only two misses so this'll be short and sweet.

I didn't sleep last night. At all. Apparently Sudafed & Robitussin have nothing on this cold. I did, however, sleep off and on most of the day. I got up a couple times to eat, but mostly slept until about 2:oo this afternoon.

And I've really, really wanted some Gatorade. See, I'm drinking about half as much fluid as I usually do and I can tell that isn't helping anything. So, when Glenn and Beanie headed out to the store to pick up some dinner stuff I asked him to get some Gatorade too.

He forgot. And I bawled my eyes out for like twenty minutes. And then he went to the store (again) to get me some Gatorade. I love my hubby.

Feeling a little better this evening, but I'm not holding out much hope for sleep tonight. Seems like as soon as I lay down on the bed I am congested as all get out and unable to rest for anything. We'll see though.

On the upside, one of us did get sleep last night. I put Beanie down for bed just after 8 last night and snuck out of her room around 8:30. She slept in her bed by herself without waking and calling for mommy until 6:45 this morning. And, I will admit that at about 6:15 I poked around in her bedroom to make sure she was really sleeping and not, I don't know, suffering or something. Gosh, I'm hoping this is a small victory on our way to independent sleep. We'll see how it goes tonight. Lord knows it's a good thing she slept by herself last night because no one was getting any sleep with me!

My mind overfloweth.

So, are you ready? I have so much on my mind that this just may turn into a very long Blog Fart Thursday. Although all morning I've been thinking it's Monday. The whole working on Wednesday thing totally threw me off!

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Beanie and I just got done cleaning the living room. She has so much fun it should inspire me to do it more often. If there's one thing I've really been slacking on it's been keeping up on cleaning the house. I don't know why, but I have such a hard time getting into a routine with it. I am so much happier when it is clean though, so I really need to figure out a system. I like the idea of the "clean one room a day thing" but it has never really materialized. I feel like I can never get caught up enough to start. But, I'm working on it. And right now our living room is beautiful! Beanie has so much fun using the Swiffer duster. And she likes helping vacuum too. She laughs and giggles and runs away from it. So, we really should make cleaning more of a regular activity. Heck, it needs to be done and, who knew, to a 2 1/2 year old it is a ton of fun!

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Glenn and I were talking about breastfeeding the other day. Its a big worry of mine. Not because I don't know what I'm doing (I think we're well practiced in that area), but because I remember how time consuming it is breastfeeding a newborn and then I think that I'll also have an almost three-year-old on my hands. I really think its very important to nurse on demand for quite a long while and I so want it to work out as well with 2.0 as it did with Beanie. At the same time, I worry about what Beanie will do to occupy her time while I'm spending time nursing 2.0. I mean, for the first month or so basically all you do is nurse the baby! I'm really glad that (hopefully) Glenn will be able to take a few weeks off work and be home with us. With Beanie he only had the night off that we were in the hospital and then he was back to work. This time around I think it will be very important for him to be home. I think he's starting to get that too.

And, on a related note, I'd really like him to have the time off because we don't have much family around in the area. I'm sure my dad and stepmom will come by. In all honesty, they were quite helpful last time with things and gave us our space too. My mom and stepdad will (maybe) be able to come into town in May, but that is still a bit up in the air. I'm sure my mother-in-law would like to be in the delivery room (I won't even go into the discussion we had to have about that with Beanie), but, in reality, I would just as much prefer if she didn't come into town. She has no concept of personal space and would just be too hands on I'm sure. Since my mom is planning on being here in May, I plan to tell her that she can come in May or later if she'd like. Let's face it, if Glenn is off for the month of April, May is going to be when I'll need some help. Actually, I'd rather she just come in December when my brother-in-law & his girl friend have their first child and skip the whole coming in May thing (I think the whole "we'll just come later and see both" is a bunch of crap), but it's not my decision to make.

So, anyway, back to breastfeeding...if you have any tips on how to entertain a toddler while breastfeeding a newborn they are much appreciated!

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I'm getting really excited for Thanksgiving. It's going to be a small event this year, but I'm still excited. I made this delicious stuffing a few years ago and am trying to decide whether we should make it again. Since its sort of up in the air who will be here (my brother in law & his girlfriend very well may be having a baby!) and my sister doesn't eat turkey (I'm going to start calling you a turkeytarian Sissy!) we'll keep the menu fairly small and simple. But, how on earth do you keep Thanksgiving dinner small & simple? I mean there's the turkey...and sweet potatoes...and stuffing...and egg stuffing (delicious, trust me, although the first Thanksgiving I ate with my future inlaws I thought they were all crazy!)...and mashed potatoes...and rolls....and veggies...and cranberry sauce. And dessert, you can't forget dessert! All of the sudden its not feeling so small and simple anymore.

Heh, I'm hungry already!

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I'm letting the fact that I have an anterior placenta get to me. Not get to me too much, because the doctor didn't mention it so I assume she must not be too worried, but get to me just because I also worry if its low-lying. Like I said, I'm sure the doctor or ultrasound tech would have mentioned something or looked at it in more detail if it was problematic, so I'm trying not to think about it too much. I'll just have to remember to ask about it at my next appointment.

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I really need to buck up and get Beanie on to sleeping independently. She does well some nights; the other night she slept until almost 5 before waking up for Mommy. Other nights it's more like midnight. Beanie and I aren't going to fit on a twin bed together much longer and it is really starting to hurt my hips to sleep without a body pillow. And, for sure, Beanie, a body pillow and I are not going to fit on a twin bed. I'm always so tired in the middle of the night and end up falling back asleep with her, but I need to work on staying awake and just comforting her long enough for her to fall back asleep. Otherwise my hips will pay in the morning! And, getting her into a new normal soon will make things easier on all of us come April.

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What is it with people thinking they have any say in what you name your child? For the most part everyone whom I've told Baby 2.0's name likes it. My mother-in-law said "Oh! That's a weird name!!! Where did you come up with that??" First of all, last year our name (which, sorry I'm not going to say) ranked #124 in the US population, so, while it isn't the most popular name, it certainly isn't totally unheard of! Then mother-in-law asks if it's a family name, which, coincidentally, it is, but I wasn't planning on telling anyone who didn't already know that it was because that isn't why we chose it. We chose it and then I remembered (or my mom mentioned) that it was my grandfather's middle name and my great (great?) grandmother's maiden name. But Glenn told his mom that it was a family name from my side, not knowing that I wanted to keep that fact on the secret side. Not that it matters, I just always said I didn't ever want to use a family name and here we are!

Then, the other day I was on the phone with my mom who asked if we had decided on a middle name. I said no. Actually, the whole middle name decision has been quite the discussion lately. We can't seem to agree at all. I told her Glenn's favorite (Xavier) and you could just here the dislike in her voice. I rattled off a few others we were thinking of and she quite obviously didn't like any of those either. She started naming off some ideas of her own. I told her, "Trust me, we've talked about every name under the sun. The ones I told you are the ones we both sort of like." But, what does it matter anyways? Baby 2.0 is our child and we'll pick the name.

Now I can totally see why people choose not to tell anyone the name until the baby is born. Who wants to hear it??? And by "it" I mean all the silly little comments people who have NO decision making authority have!

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It is so rainy and stormy here. Beanie is suffering from cabin fever and so am I. Glenn took her outside the other day while he raked leaves (thank goodness the neighbor's maple tree is now bare!) and she had a blast. I feel bad not getting out and about so much. We have been trying to avoid crowded indoor play places as much as we can with this crazy flu season. Maybe a futile precaution, but we're trying. I can't wait for some dry weather so we can get out and play.

I think I'll stop here although I could go on forever today. I might as well try to do some more chores since I have such a good helper this morning.

To crib or not to crib.

Sigh. You never thought you'd see this post from me, did you?

I am sort of going back and forth on whether I want to get a new crib for Baby 2.0. We sold our last one (which was pretty much never used) to my brother-in-law and his girlfriend, who are also expecting.

Part of me thinks, Man if Baby 2.0 is a better sleeper than Beanie it might be really nice to have a crib. I mean, maybe Baby 2.0 won't want to nurse all night long or need to cuddle with mommy to sleep.

The other part of me thinks (maybe even knows) that I will want to sleep with the baby, or at least in the baby's room (or the baby in our room) for the newborn stage. We've talked about using the bassinet attached to the pack and play and having it in our room. That is something I am happy with, but I wonder how well it will work out with a hubby that goes to bed at 6 o'clock at night.

We found a crib we liked and, of course, it was the most expensive one in the store. I really don't want to shell out a bunch of dough for something we're not going to use. Again. I suppose if it didn't work out to have the baby in our room because of Glenn's sleep schedule, then we could move the pack and play into the baby's room and get a twin bed. Sort of the same set-up we had in Beanie's room when she was little.

I don't know what has caused this crazy change of thought on my part. If you've read this blog for any amount of time you know I'm a pretty die hard co-sleeper. But hubby isn't and I am trying to be more accomodating of what we all want. And, let's face it, if somehow I did end up with a baby who liked to sleep through the night I wouldn't really complain. As long as nursing was established first. lol.

"Crunchy" defined.

Last night as we were sitting and eating dinner (eggs benedict...yum!) we were talking about the H1N1 vaccine. I was talking about how, if I'm ok with getting the regular flu shot (for the first time ever I might add!) that why not be okay with the H1N1 vaccine. From what I've learned recently, its the same process and ingredients as the regular flu vaccine (someone correct me if I'm wrong) just with the swine flu strain added in. A friend had said something yesterday saying that her pediatrician had told her that if the swine flu "threat" (I use that term loosely) had been realized before the regular flu vaccine was formulate this year that the swine flu strain would've just been thrown into the regular vaccine. So, if after a lot of thought I am seriously considering getting the flu vaccine what do I have against the H1N1 vaccine? I'll be the first to admit I haven't done a ton of my own research on it and am probably influenced by cries on my mommy boards that it hasn't been tested, who knows what effects it may have on pregnant women and developing fetuses, etc etc. Hell, I confess to saying those exact things myself. But, if the H1N1 vaccine is a regular old flu vaccine just with the H1N1 strain in it, then what kind of hypocrite am I if I get the flu vaccine and yell from the rooftops how I would never get the other. If they're the same.

Anyways, as we were talking about all this I referred to my friend's pediatrician as "crunchy." Glenn looked at me and said "I don't even know what that means. You realize you're speaking a different language right and its not just because you have a vagina?" I was trying to explain that if you breastfed past a year or coslept or cloth diapered, etc others would probably label you as "crunchy." He was just laughing and so I shut up about it. We ate some more and then he asked me to explain some more.

So, I started off by asking if he had heard of "granola" in reference to hippies. I imagine that's where the term "crunchy" comes from although, really, I have no idea. I explained that a lot of things I/we do are probably considered crunchy. He said, "So if you breastfeed you're crunchy?" No, but breastfeeding until age 2 (or beyond) is pretty crunchy I guess. Homemade babyfood -- check. Cosleeping -- check. Natural birth -- check. Of course there are many things I do that aren't so crunchy too.

I told him more...cloth diapering, home birthing, baby wearing. Then he made me quiz him. I'm totally serious here. He wanted me to name off things and he would say "crunchy" or "not crunchy."

Ah, it was one of the best dinner conversations in a long time. Do I really speak Mama-ese?

It was funny. I saw him updating his facebook status and knew it was going to be about our crunchy conversation. I shouldn't have said anything because he ended up not posting it. I would've loved to hear his take on our dinner conversation.

12 weeks in.

A few weeks back a friend (who's also pregnant) said something that stuck with me. We were talking about morning sickness and feeling bad about just wishing Beanie would sit still and watch TV all day some days. She's about 10 weeks farther along than me so (lucky for her) she's past the whole I-feel-like-I-could-puke-and-die-at-any-minute stage. Her daughter is just a few months older than Beanie. She said "I was right there where you are, feeling horrible. But now I figure I only have 20 weeks left with just Kourtney and I." They have been doing lots of activities and etc. And then it sunk in, I only had about 30 weeks (now 28) of time with just Beanie. Don't get me wrong, there will be a ton of new adventures to come but I do want to make the most of this time being a mother of one. Its important for both of us. Let's face it, Beanie is pretty solidly attached to Mama. I still lay down with her while she falls asleep and (usually) end up sleeping at least part of the night in her bed. I'm hoping the next 28 weeks can be a time that we can keep our relationship solid, but also work towards a little more independence on her part.

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We had our 12 week appt and ultrasound yesterday. Everything was looking good. The doc encouraged me to get the flu shot, but I declined. I think I probably will end up getting the regular old flu shot, but I'm sure I'll be marked AMA (against medical advice) when I decline the swine flu one later. I'd post the u/s pic (I did on Beanie's blog) but Blogger keeps rotating it so its looks all weird. *sigh*

Baby was sleeping at the start of the u/s both woke up with a little prodding from the tech. (S)he wasn't too happy about that and starting stretching out and kicking around. Poor baby was probably like "um, hello?!?!? I'm sleeping here!!"

I felt bad for Glenn, who was trying to watch the ultrasound while holding a squirmy Beanie on his lap. She was overly concerned if I was okay, which I kept reassuring her I was. Ah, on to the quest to find someone to watch her for our big ultrasound which we scheduled for Nov 11!! Hoping for a baby who's not shy...haha!

Well hello there....

Huh, seems I've gone from having the inspiration to write every day to having just about no inspiration at all. I've been doing lots of writing in a journal, something I haven't done for years. Anyway, I promise I'll get a kick of inspiration soon enough ;)

It has cooled down about 40 degrees here. It was 105-110 out last week and this week it isn't supposed to escape the upper 60's. Feels downright cold. We're all wearing long sleeves! Crazy. Its funny because 70 would be normal summer weather here, but now it feels like its October!

I've been reading The No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers be Elizabeth Pantley. I really like it. I read her sleep book for babies when Beanie was younger, but never really implemented the ideas. So, I'm developing our sleep plan right now and working on getting Beanie to sleep all night in her own bed. We've sort of forgone any attempts on potty training in order to focus on weaning and independent sleep. Gosh, we can't work on too many things at once!

So, I'm here. And I'll probably start crazy blogging again soon but, for now, I'm just here.

Today is grocery day. And other somewhat interesting updates.

Well, today I'm set to go to the grocery store. I've made a list, complete with dinner ideas. Just to satisfy your voyeuristic tendencies *wink wink* (and because I'm hoping maybe you'll share some dinner ideas since it seems we always cycle through the same few dinners) here is what we're having for dinner in the coming week:

--Tacos
--Chicken Cacciatore
--Crisy chicken strip wraps
--Chicken and stovetop
--BBQ Ribs

I don't profess to be doing anything fancy here. The Chicken Cacciatore is in a jar from Trader Joe's. I'm going to fancy it up a little with celery, carrots, zuchini and yellow squash (sssh...don't tell Glenn, he shys away from cooked veggies). And chicken and stovetop? Yea, super fancy. But add some veggies and mashed potatoes and its sort of like Thanksgiving dinner. Just with chicken.

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Beanie has been doing better sleeping on her own. There have been a handful of nights where she's slept in her own room by herself until 3:30 or 4am. Yay! Most nights she rustles around and wakes around midnight. I usually end up falling asleep with her then, although I've been trying harder to stay awake and head bcck into the master. And I can actually fall asleep, usually pretty easily, in the master now. Progress.

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She is still nursing, usually just once or twice a day. Her nursing sessions are very quick, making me wonder just how long our nursing relationship is going to last. Really I'm okay if she weans right now if that's what she wants. I'm also okay with nursing before naps and bed for awhile if that's what she wants. We'll see. I'm sort of taking it day by day right now. Yesterday she didn't want to nurse before her nap, just fell asleep. The same thing happens at night sometimes too. She's been horrible with her latch and a bit chompy (molars maybe?) so I've been cutting her off at night sort of. It takes her longer to fall asleep that way, but I told her she can only nurse if she's going to nurse, not if she just wants to play. She seems to understand. Sort of.

Okay, that's all for now! I've felt like with this whole blog-a-day thing that I haven't really been writing about any Beanie stuff, so I wanted to make sure I actually blogged about some parental stuff too :)

Super Exhausted.

So this probably won't be as thorough as it could be ;)

I've been sleeping in the master for short bits at night. Mostly for the start of the night. Beanie has been waking up more than she was when we were cosleeping. I'm not surprised. The first night I actually fell asleep in the master (yay!) but the damn cat was racing around the house and startled me awake (like seriously startled, you know the feeling when you get woken up just as you've drifted off to sleep) and woke up Beanie too. I went in to cuddle her back to sleep and fell asleep with her. Night two Beanie put up a terrible fight going to bed. I was exhausted and fell asleep next to her. I woke up an hour or so later and went into the master. I think I fell asleep, but not really sure. I may have just been daydreaming, staring at the ceiling when she woke up. Tonight she put up another incredible fight going to bed. I'm not sure if its the change in sleeping arrangements, the fact that I think she's getting her 2 year molars in or what but I am so over the whole yes-mama-I'm-overly-tired-but-no-way-am-I-going-to-sleep thing.

Tonight I was in tears because I was just so exhausted. She said "Mama" and started rubbing and patting my back. Then promptly went to sleep. Sweet girl. I love her so much. It was a long evening so I don't think that helped. She was cuckoo-baby-nuts and Glenn was all upset because he couldn't watch the news without her making noise. He wanted her to sit still and watch the news with him. Hello??!?! She's 2. I don't think she's really into the national news. And so he got all snappy with me, like why can't I take her into another room so he can have some peace and quiet and watch the news. Yea, because I have like no interest in peace and quiet or the news. You know, sometimes it just happens you don't get to watch the show you want to watch. That's part of having a toddler!

Anyway, quite a tangent there...sorry! She is sleeping now and I should be too. While she hasn't been nursing at night she has been waking a lot (teething again?? I wonder) and wanting to play with my boobs. I try to nip it in the bud (pun intended...lol) because it sort of drives me batty. I don't mind her using me as a pillow, but I do mind her little baby fingers all over my boobs. I don't know what exactly is going on, but I'm just trying to take it one night at a time.

So, consider yourself updated! For now I'm going to try to go to sleep. Or at least stare at the ceiling in the master until I'm really super exhausted enough to crash out.

And, in other news for you die-hard Beanie fans, she pooped on the potty today. That's right...#2! She got a whole bunch of M&Ms for that :)

Transitioning ME to independent sleep

That's right, I said me not Beanie. Everyone always talks about transitioning your child to independent sleeping, but I've come to the realization that its just as hard (maybe harder) for the parent. In our case I'm absolutely certain it is harder for me than for Beanie.

One night last week I was going to sleep in the master with Glenn. I laid there. Couldn't sleep. My mind was racing. After Glenn fell asleep I broke down and went into Beanie's room and laid with her. So, the plan of attack was to try on Glenn's night off because my other worry was that she would wake a lot and he wouldn't get any sleep before work. That would've meant Saturday was the night. Well, turns out Saturday is my night to get a good night's sleep because I have to work on Sundays. So, yea, my totally anxious behind went and slept with Beanie. Then there was last night. Beanie took a super long (and late) nap for Glenn while I was at work and she didn't fall asleep until about 10pm. I fell asleep lying down with her. (And, sidenote here, but why is it that when Beanie goes to sleep at 8pm she sleeps until 7am, but when she goes to bed at 10pm she's up at 6???)

So, that brings us to tonight. I know I just need to bite the bullet and sleep in the master. But its hard. I've slept with Beanie every night since she was born. And, while I'm ready to move on from the cosleeping, I've enjoyed sleep sharing with her and am sort of sad to see it go too.

I am convinced she is more ready for this transition than I am. Who knows, maybe I'll be happily surprised and she'll sleep like a gem tonight. I know I won't, but, hey, no one said this whole parenting thing was easy, right?

A crazy long update about everything (and nothing at the same time)

Well, here I am. Everyone is asleep again and I had so many plans for the evening. Fold laundry? Drink a vodka cran? Get on the Wii fit? Re-read Gone with the Wind (or at least start)? Message my friends? Clean? Yet here I am. Blogging. And I don't even have a vodka cran to my left. I have been depressed, anxious, crabby, you name it. Beanie is testing my patience. I have little patience left it seems. Glenn is getting on my nerves. At times our relationship seems to be better than ever and other times I just feel like he isn't hearing me, listening to me, whatever. Like today when I asked Are you putting the cabinet back up above the fridge or do I need to find a new home for the cookbooks? and his answer was Yes. Yes to what? Then he got all mad that I wasn't listening. Ummm...you can't answer an either/or question with yes. It isn't an answer for crying out loud. And, for the record, he meant yes he was putting the cabinet back above the fridge. Anyways its just little things, but all these little things seem to be piling up on me. So, yea, maybe I should have a vodka cran to my left???

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Beanie has been going down for bed in her own bed each night. We are still cosleeping. I go into her room after I wind down and am ready for bed. I have a feeling that in the next few days I'll be starting off the night in the master with Glenn. Will be nice. She is seemingly ready. Nurses to sleep and then hasn't been waking again to nurse until about 4 or 4:30am. Who knows how it will go when I'm not sleeping next to her, but I am ready to find out.

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I feel like I'm living in someone else's home. There, I said it. I'm not happy here right now. That's right, I am unhappy in my nice shiny new home. I feel (know) that things will get better. Right now I am stressed because there are still boxes to be sorted through, there are rooms to be painted, I can't find the peanut butter in the kitchen cabinets or the deoderant in the bathroom, the stupid hot water in the bathroom trickles out and it takes 20minutes+ to get enough water to cover Beanie's belly button for a bath. Every room is brown, or so it seems they will be. We bought way too much paint for the living room and exercise room so now our brown is everywhere. I think I'm going to head out and buy a gallon of yellow paint for the playroom. I just can't have more brown!! I am mad that the sellers didn't complete all the work they said they would. I am more mad at myself for signing the papers before the work was completed (and letting our realtor "take their word for it" that they would finish everything). I am mad at the way our realtor handled things. But, you know what, hindsight is 20/20. I've already had at least 4 people ask if I'd recommend our realtor and the answer has always been a resounding no. I am trying to develop a plan to make things better here. They start with me getting off my butt and taking care of things. I think I'll start tomorrow. Really.

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Glenn went out and did some forms in the backyard today. He said he forgot parts of them. Glenn forgot! I know I've forgotten which makes me even more nervous to train again. I know its just the backyard, but still. I guess you have to start somewhere. I think it rattled Glenn to have forgotten some. He is an amazing martial artist though (seriously, you should see him!) so I know he'll remember quickly. I just hope its the same for me. (And Bri, I've started writing the kung fu post for you -- it'll just take awhile to get it all written)

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My iPod seems to be working! Its a miracle, at least the kind I believe in....haha! I am listening to it right now. See we've had about 5 computers that we've purchased and uploaded music on. Seems like we could never get them all to play/transfer/etc once we had the new desktop. I finally got it fixed so all my music was on the external hard drive and would play on the computer, but the last time I checked it wouldn't all play on the actual iPod. Well, I charged it up the other day and started tinkering with it today and waaalaa it seems to be working. Hmmm....

I am so happy because I really miss listening to lots and lots of music!

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Beanie's 2nd bday is in less than 3 weeks. I can't believe it. She's going to be 2!! I'm having a playdate with her friends and the house and then a family BBQ on her actual bday. Cross your fingers for good weather for the playdate because the playroom would be a little (okay, a lot) cramped with a bunch of toddlers running around! But, I always work better with a goal in mind so I'm happy we're having people over...the house has to be done in 3 weeks, right???

Have a good evening everyone!

Tired, but not ready to sleep.

So, what the hell, I might as well put some of these thoughts flowing through my mind down on this blog.

Today was a rough day. I am stressed and just so over this whole moving thing. Beanie has been a normal almost two year-old, but normal toddler behavior is enough to drive me batty lately. Glenn has been doing so much work around the house that I think he forgets that I might want two seconds to myelf. He's upset about a lot of things. I am too. I feel unsupported in almost everything I do with Beanie. We got in a big long talk about cosleeping yadayada. I know I changed the "plan" when I started cosleeping with Beanie. I know it wasn't something we thought we would do before Beanie was born. But, I also know I can't change any of that now (and I wouldn't either). My views on parenting have changed and cosleeping, extended breastfeeding, and other AP point-of-views have become very important to me and pretty much central to how I choose to parent Beanie. The problem is that we aren't a team as parents. We are divided. And both of us feel unsupported.

We are working on transitioning Beanie to her own bed. Or I am. As Glenn said today, you dig your own grave so you can lie in it. Yea, thanks for the, um, support. I feel like we are making good progress. She is falling asleep after nursing, opposed to during nursing. For her naps (as haphazard as they have been) she hasn't been nursing at all. She is sleeping by herself in her bed right now. When she wakes we have been cuddling back to sleep as opposed to nursing back to sleep. I re-introduced her lovie George the giraffe and she holds and plays with him while nursing.

He doesn't think I'm going to do it. Even when I told him I planned on transitioning her after we moved into the new house he said he didn't believe me. The thing is I wanted to be settled a bit here before just throwing her into her bed by herself. I wanted the baby gate here so we could block off the hall. I wanted the master bedroom not to have tools, nails, and etc all over the floor because I do imagine she's going to wake up and venture into our room. I do have a plan and, so far, all seems to be going pretty well. Except for the whole supportive husband part.

So Glenn, if you read this (which I'd bet you won't) just believe me. I know you didn't sign up for my crunchy parenting style, but I feel like you think you have all the answers to a game you've never even played. I know your work schedule prohibits you from nighttime parenting. I know that. And I don't resent you for it. I do resent that you aren't supportive of me, or how we move forward from here. And we are making progress which is good because, you know what, I miss sleeping next to you too.

And, I don't know how many AP-ers there are that read this blog, but do you have any advice or words of wisdom for me? I try to understand Glenn's point-of-view and why he feels the way he does. I wish I could make him understand mine. I feel like I've done the research on these things and they are important to me. If he would just try to listen, or even if he did some of his own research...even if he came up with a different conclusion at least I would feel like he backed it up somehow. Is there anyone else out there who transformed into a different type of parent than they imagined and their significant other thinks totally differently? I am really struggling here...

Where do we go from here?

Beanie is almost 2. When we move into our new house the plan is to try and slowly transition her to her own bed, a twin bed. I miss sleeping (and I'm really just talking sleeping) with Glenn. I know he thinks I don't, but I do. I have only been doing what I've thought was best for Beanie. And having her all the way across the house in a baby jail (read crib) wasn't best. Nursing her at night was best for our nursing relationship. However, now that she's almost 2 I am ready to be done with the night nursing. There, I said it. I'm not quite ready to be done nursing all together, but I am over the night wakings to nurse. I am conflicted on whether to go about transitioning her to her own bed and stopping night nursing all at once. Seems like a lot of change for a young kid. When we were at the condo she was doing pretty well and I was only nursing her once at about 4am. Now she is waking multiple times (better than when we first got to the rental though) and I am afraid that will start when we move into our house as well. Maybe I will try to cuddle her back to sleep, while still co-sleeping when we move into the house? I don't know. I honestly want to make it as easy as possible for everyone.

I'm also ready to be done with her grabbing at my boobs and lifting up my shirt all afternoon long. I know it was just a phase, but boy oh boy she was driving me nuts with all her antics for a couple weeks there. Now I tell her no and offer some sort of distraction. She is smart though. she knows that I nurse her down for naptime and bedtime, so she has resorted to trying to tell me she's sleepy when I tell her no boobies. I'm not so easily fooled. She seems to be doing pretty well with the offering cow's milk or distraction and I'm glad its working. She can't just be going for and pinching my boobs all day when she wants to nurse. Its all about boundaries so we are both happy.

I'm just trying to wrap my head around all this and figure out a plan of attack. I know I plan to gate off the hallway and put a baby lock on the 3rd bedroom door so if she wakes she can only come to the master. I will probably use the monitor for awhile because I don't know how well I'll hear her. I'm actually okay if she wants to come to bed with me after Glenn leaves for work, but we'll see how that goes. I'm still trying to figure out if that is a possibility or if she needs the rigidity of being in her own bed all night long. As for nursing, I have no problem nursing her before nap and bedtime past her 2nd birthday. I do plan on weaning all other nursing sessions though. I don't think that's unreasonable and I think it will lead to more happiness with the relationship on my part.

Sleep glorious sleep.

It seems that within the last couple weeks Beanie has taken to sleeping longer and later than before. Ever since Daylight Savings Time she has been going to bed a little later, closer to 8pm usually. For the majority of days the last week or so she has slept until 4am before waking for boobie. Which makes me so happy. It seems like progress. We are still cosleeping and probably will continue to do so until we are in our new house. I plan to try to start transitioning her then. I love cosleeping with Beanie, but the whole not-sleeping-with-Glenn-for-the-last-year is getting to me. Both of us I'm sure. Glenn just can't sleep with the three of us in bed and, honestly, neither can I. A queen-sized bed is only so big, you know. So, yea, big plans for the future -- lol -- but for now I am just excited Beanie is sleeping for such a good stretch. If she does stir she usually falls back asleep on her own or does so with a bit of cuddling from mama.

And naptimes have improved too. Beanie has been going down easier for her naps (even went down for Glenn without a fight the other day) and has been sleeping for about 2 hours. Nice!

I'm hoping this trend continues and that I didn't just jinx myself by writing this blog :)