Sunday Surf: 09/04

I've finally gotten in to reading blogs again after quite a long hiatus. Just getting back in to it, but I've read a few really good things over the last week (or so). Here are a few of them:

• Since we've been having some issues with four year old defiance (I keep reminding myself that her persistence and intensity will serve her well later in life), I really liked 10 Secrets Every Parent Needs to Know about Saying No at Aha! Parenting.
• This video where the Car Seat Lady explains the new AAP car seat recommendations is a must see.
• Just for fun -- 12 Great Parenting Products for Traumatizing Your Baby.
• Oh yes, Twitter. I suck at it. And this guest post over at 5 Minutes for Mom let me know there's good reason for it & I'm not the only one! I am in love with the Crappy Pictures by Amber Dusick, probably because my artistic ability is about at the level of stick figures.
• Education has been on my mind a lot lately, probably because next year Beanie will be in kindergarten and I'm having some second thoughts about not doing preschool this year, but Teacher Tom reminds us that Hey, It's not a Race!
• Not a blog post, but this thread at CarSeat.Org is great for learning how to do the harness pinch test on your child's carseat.
• This post by Amber at Beyond Postpartum really hit home for me as I've been working hard at breaking the cycle of anxiety and worry.

Head on over to Authentic Parenting for more Sunday Surfing.

Sunday Surf: April 10

 

Well, I missed last week of the Sunday Surf so I'll have a few extras for you. Glenn has been on vacation (again! I could get used to this two-weeks-on-one-week-off thing -- I'm sure he could too!). It's nice that we've been able to have the evenings together after the kiddos go to bed and, sure, I missed my blogging time a bit, but I'm sure I'll miss our evening time together even more. Of course I will! It's easy to forget how much his schedule really impacts things (especially us having time to ourselves). It's nice to be able to chat, drink wine, and watch good shows together. I'm sure this next week will be a hard adjustment for all of us.

But, without further ado, here is my double edition of the Sunday Surf.

• The Connected Mom tells us Four Lies Sleep Trainers Tell You (and One Truth They Won't)
• What do you do when you're feeling judged, scrutinized and debated about your parenting decisions? Pass the Bean Dip, of course!
• A good reminder that part of gentle parenting is being gentle to yourself (especially when you have a three year old!) in "Three" is the New "Two"
• A guest post at the Leaky Boob reminds us that wallowing in guilt over past decisions can do more damage than the decisions themselves.
• An article at NPR looks at how even beginners can get relief from meditation. Meditation was my primary coping mechanism during both my labors and I really want to get back in to meditating regularly.
• This article from last summer discusses how creativity in America is declining.
• I can definitely relate to this post from Robin at Farewell Stranger about how PPD stole the joy of motherhood from her.
• Robin at Farewell Stranger also posted about the P!nk song "Perfect." Like Robin, I don't care for P!nk most of the time, but I heard this song on the way to the counselor one day and almost cried.
• I think I've fallen in love with Teacher Tom's blog. I could link a few posts I've read lately, but, really, pretty much anything I read there could pop up on my 'favorite reads of the last week' list.
• A new parenting book club was announced at No Time for Flashcards. The first book is Playful Parenting by Lawrence J. Cohen. I've talked about this book before and I can't wait to join in the discussion.

Struggling to Be a Gentle Parent

It's been a rough day today with Beanie. I feel like there was a lot of yelling (mostly on her part although some on mine too). I just feel like whatever we are doing discipline-wise with her is not working for her or, really, for any of us.

Beanie has done amazingly well transitioning into her role as big sister. There have been struggles, but, for the most part, I was pretty excited with how well she took on her new role. Within the last month or so things have become more difficult.

I know a lot of her problems right now come from wanting attention. Glenn and I try to make sure that we each have one-on-one time with her. Lately it's been harder for me because Bubby is in that stage where mommy can not be out of sight. We try to make the most of mother-daughter time during Bubby's naps. The change in our relationship has been hard on me and, obviously, on her as well.

She is also learning how to interact appropriately with her brother now that he is becoming more talkative and mobile (he's an expert army crawler). I know she is wanting to show love to her brother, but her attempts are often too rough and I feel like we're always saying, "don't grab your brother's hands so hard," "don't grab his neck," "be gentle," and so on and so forth. We need to help her and give her the opportunity to show that love (appropriately) more often.

Our bedtime routine tonight was especially rough. Things just aren't working. I find myself not being the parent I want to be. It's hard because my own PPD and anxiety cause me to be a little on edge even before the normal three-and-a-half year old stuff hits.

I've had some books that I've wanted to read for some time now. I know my mom bought me Playful Parenting for Christmas and I've been wanting to get Unconditional Parenting for quite some time.

Any other books you'd recommend?

Life is tough when you're 3.

I don't want a ponytail.

Tears.

I do want a ponytail.

Tears.

Bubby pulled my hair.

Tears.

I pulled Bubby's hair.

Tears.

Brushing my teeth scares me.

Tears.

It's raining.

Tears.

It's sunny.

Tears.

You follow me?

It's been a rough week here. I'm trying to be compassionate, empathetic, and understanding. I won't lie, it's hard. I try to see things from her perspective, that really the idea of having (or not having) a ponytail could be earth shattering. And that her thoughts on said ponytail can change from one second to the next. I can't help but feel like I'm failing her a bit. What am I doing wrong? Why can't I get her to take a deep breath and calm down? Or why does it just have to be the idea of closing her door and she can stop crying on a dime and say, "I'm calm now." At least I know her "thing."

We don't really do time-outs, especially not for overly dramatic emotional outbursts. Obviously there's a reason she's feeling this way or needing to express herself this way. Is it just because she's three? She does well with taking a deep breath, counting to three and saying, "calm down." Mama has been needing a lot of "1-2-3 calm downs" these days too. She takes "quiet time" in her room when she (and I) need to calm down and have a little space.

I guess we'll keep going with the flow and hope that this too will pass.

What gentle parenting tools do you use with your toddler/preschooler in similar times?