Joining in the March of Kindness

The other day on Facebook I saw that Dionna at Code Name: Mama was posting about random acts of kindness. She's turned it into an event for the month of March and I am excited to participate. Ever since we passed out the compassion kits over the holidays I've been wanting to incorporate more acts of kindness and giving with Beanie. This will be a great activity for both of us.

The idea is to commit one random act of kindness every day throughout the month of March. It doesn't have to be anything big, just a small act to show kindness and generosity. I'm hoping that Beanie and I can talk about it and that she will come up with some ideas on her own. I'm not going to write a post about every single day, but I will update as the month progresses and recap at the end of March.

Want to join in? Make sure and click through the button and participate in the March of Kindness.

Friendship & Finding Support in Trying Times

Image credit: paris_corrupted on Flickr

If a year ago you would have told me that I'd have the most difficult year of my life, I would've had a few people in mind who I would've said would really be there for me. The list would've been short, for sure, but I'm sad that most of them haven't been there for me.

I'll be the first to admit I've been a crappy friend (wife, sister, daughter, fill in the blank here) this last year. I don't return calls. I cancel plans. I ignore (or just plain forget about) emails. But, the people who keep reaching out to me? You mean more to me than you could know right now.

I don't know why I've had this on my mind so much lately. Over the last year we've made new friends who have offered support and help many times (although, admittedly, I've been pretty shabby about accepting!). I feel like I have people I could count on if (or is it when?) I need help. They all mean so much to me as well.

But it's eating at me, the fact that those few people I thought I could really count on weren't there for me. I'm not talking about coddling me or holding me up. I'm just talking about checking in every so often and saying. "How's it going?" or "Haven't heard from you in a bit." Even a comment on my stupid little Facebook status or my blog. Whatever.

Sure, I'm needy. I take things too personally. That's just me right now.

One thing is for sure. Glenn has been my rock this last year. I honestly don't know if I could've made it through all this junk without him. He's supported me, been there for me, worked way too much and then come home and picked up all the pieces.  He pushed me to finally go see a counselor and sacrificed his time so I could get on the road to wellness.  He's held me as I cried for no reason at all and he's held me as we laugh about happier times.

This last year has been about self-preservation, about just getting through. I apologize if I wasn't the friend (or fill in the blank) I was "supposed" to be. I just couldn't be

I guess, in short, I'm thankful for the support network I do have. But I mourn for the support network I thought I had.

Another Unsuccessful Reintroduction

Image credit: Guillaume Paumier on Flickr

Two weeks ago, I reintroduced dairy into my diet. I was hopeful as our pediatrician said that most infants outgrow their dairy intolerance by age one. I was a bit more excited to reintroduce dairy than I had been with the wheat. I'd been compiling a mental list of the foods I'd really like to have again: pizza, cheesecake, a grilled cheese sandwich, ice cream. I wanted the most bang for the buck, so to speak, if I was only able to eat dairy for a few days.

I was nervous because last time Bubby had blood in his diapers within two days of reintroduction. This time we made it to day six.

I'm bummed that he had to go through that again. I'm hopeful that he will still outgrow it, as the reaction took longer to come about.

So, we're still wheat-, dairy- and soy-free. At this point I think we'll hold off on any more reintroductions for awhile. I feel healthier eating this way and, obviously, so does he. There isn't really any rush and we'll just see how things go from here.

A Girls Date.

Beanie, sipping on her "latte."

Yesterday, we were trying to figure out what to do with our afternoon. It was a gorgeous day out, but it was a bit too windy for Bubby's tastes and Beanie decided she was too cold while Glenn was pruning the fruit trees. I tossed out the idea of making lattes, or even going out and getting one.

"Oh, like a girl's date Mama!" Beanie exclaimed.

How could I refuse?

I started a pot of coffee for Glenn and he and Bubby had a "boy's date" at home while Beanie and I headed out for lattes.

We chatted in the car. When we got to the counter Beanie said she'd like a "latte please." As we sipped our drinks (hers being a steamed milk, not a latte), she said that she really liked rice vanilla lattes. She told me how it was her favorite coffee shop. She wondered what Bubby and Daddy were doing at home. We had an excellent time. It was just what we both needed.

She insisted on taking my picture too.

A Good Day.

"True happiness is...to enjoy the present without anxious dependence on the future."

--Lucius Annaeus Seneca

It's a good day. I can't exactly put my finger on why, but I feel different. It's not just that I'm finally over this ugly flu bug that hit our house. I feel optimistic. It's the first time in a long time.

Maybe I had to hit rock bottom first? I have really been struggling, but somehow this morning I woke up and it was different.

Even though Beanie woke up at 5:45 and snuggled in next to me in bed (luckily Bubby was able to stay asleep until 7:00). Even though Bubby was cranky at the mere thought of being put down for five seconds so I could use the restroom. Even though Bubby gagged and almost threw up on his pancakes. Even though Beanie whacked Bubby in the head with her microphone.

On any other day those things would have made my anxiety creep up and take over. Not today.

Why? I have no idea.

I exercised on Sunday and it felt great. Not only did it feel pretty good physically, but my mood lifted and I had some "me time." I've been taking my vitamins again. My neck and back are feeling better. I'm working through things with my counselor.

Maybe it's just my time?

I'm not sure, but I hope so. This optimism thing is a welcome change.

Sibling Serenade

At lunch today Beanie grabbed the triangle from her Melissa and Doug music kit and sang us all a song. It went like this:

Once upon a time there was a little boy named [Bubby],
I love him so much,
I love to play with him,
I love to give him hugs and kisses,
We like to play, except for when I'm in my room,
he can come to play if he wants to. Or not.
And when he's upset my mommy feeds him.
Well, that is all.

She proceeded to sing songs about Glenn and I as well. What a sweetie.

The View From Here.

Breathe.

I've been taking a bit of a breather from the online world. I cut back on my online message boards awhile back and now have tried to unplug from Facebook, Twitter, and (turns out) blogging.

A few things led to this. I've been wanting to unplug for a while and doing so was one of my goals for the new year. I read Melodie's post for the January Carnival of Natural Parenting titled My Kids Have Taught Me It's Time to Stop Blogging, I saw a Blogging without Obligation button on a friend's blog and I've really been doing a lot of thinking about what I want (and need) from life right now. Back in November, a few friends and I had a conversation about the difference between wanting to blog and feeling like you needed to blog. I want to make sure I'm in the place where I want to blog, not that I feel like I have to.

My New Year's Resolution was to add myself to the list of people I take care of. I've been working at that, but, I won't lie, it's quite a struggle right now and I have a long way to go. I'm in a difficult spot and, while I've found touching PPD blogs* (and I love that people are blogging and letting moms know it's okay to get help), I'm just not in the place where I feel like blogging about each and every one of my struggles. And, lately, the struggles seem like a lot.

I've also been working to improve my relationships with family, mostly Glenn and Beanie as Bubby has the lion's share of mama's attention right now. Glenn's work schedule has shifted a bit lately and often he is awake after the kids go to bed. It makes things easier with bedtime and it's nice to have some time to talk, reconnect, dork around, watch reruns of The Office and on and on. Beanie is having a difficult time with some things. I'm sure part of it is being 3 1/2, having a little brother, and etc. It really helps us to unplug and reconnect as mother and daughter.

I've been reading a lot. Mostly parenting books. I finished Positive Discipline and am reading Playful Parenting and Unconditional Parenting. I have Parenting Beyond Belief sitting on the end table, too. On the nights Glenn does have to go to bed early, I've been reading instead of staring at the computer. I find it easier to fall asleep that way, too.

It's been harder getting out and about. My neck and back were acting up again, but I am happy to say I found a chiropractor I really like. He practices Jeet Kune Do so we talk about martial arts, he does deep tissue massage along with the adjustments, his office is right across from my counselor's and I am happy to say I'm feeling better. Step one in taking care of myself. I've been six times and am already feeling a lot better. Bubby has been all over the place with his morning naps. Once I think I've got his "schedule" (I use that term loosely because we really don't schedule at all, just let him get into his own rhythm) figure out he switches it up again. I know we have better days when we get out of the house, but lately it has been such a struggle that it seems easier to stay in. That is, until we're all bouncing off the walls about 1 pm.

So, I'm here and I will be blogging. Just when I want to. I've also vowed to stay away from looking at my statistics for awhile and just get back to enjoying writing.

*There's an amazing community for PPD/PPA support on Twitter. They have weekly chats. Search for the hashtag #ppdchat.

Menu Plan Monday 01/17

We're back on the gluten-free adventure. Once Bubby is feeling better we will try to reintroduce dairy, then soy, and then we'll come back and reevaluate the wheat thing. I don't know if that was what was bothering him, but we can come to no other logical conclusion. And, apparently, my memory was faulty; when we reintroduced wheat on the elimination diet in July, he wasn't so bad off in just a day or two, it did take longer (like a week) and was less obvious -- cranky, yucky diapers, allergy ring on his bum. The same old suspects as right now. The immediate bad reaction was with the dairy.

I'm feeling good about the decision to re-eliminate. While surely there could be other compounding variables in the mix, it just wasn't helping my anxiety worrying about Bubby and wondering what was going on. I hate seeing him in pain. Best to eliminate the variables we can and come back to it later.

I've also started seeing a new chiropractor (more on that later), so we are planning a few crockpot recipes for this week as I have appointments in the late afternoons, right about when we usually start settling in to make dinner.

As always, we plan Saturday - Friday because that's how we roll! All meals are gluten-free, dairy-free and soy-free, or easily adapted to be.

Italian Sausage Soup

Saturday: Sloppy Joes with green salad and homemade french fries
Sunday: Italian Sausage Soup
Monday: Chicken and Dumplings Soup
Tuesday: Spaghetti with green salad
Wednesday: Leftover Buffet
Thursday: Arroz con Pollo
Friday: Cranberry Roast with mashed potatoes and green salad

Image credit: twohelmetscooking on Flickr

The ingredient of the week at the Gluten Free Menu Plan Monday is winter vegetables. We've been making a lot of side dishes with russet potatoes. We started buying a big ten pound bag at the store (so much cheaper than buying the bigger by-the-pound ones) and have been making homemade fries, hash browns, mashed potatoes and etc. I'd like to make some sweet potato fries soon; I wonder if Bubby would go for them. I have some butternut squash in the freezer (cubes and puree) and I'd like to try out my pumpkin bread recipe with squash (especially now that I'm better at adapting gluten recipes). I've also been wanting to make this squash soup so perhaps I'll finally take a stab at it this week.

I'm linked up at I'm an Organizing Junkie and Celiacs in the House, so click on over for more menu ideas.

Wheat Free Once Again

Image credit: Photography_Gal on Flickr

I wrote previously about the fact that we reintroduced wheat into my diet. At the time, things seemed to be going swimmingly for Bubby and not so hot for me. It's been almost two weeks now since I've reintroduced wheat. While I have started to feel better, Bubby has seemed to go downhill. I still don't really know with any certainty if it is the wheat bothering him right now. There hadn't been anything that really stood out until last night. Earlier this week, I thought I may have seen tiny blood specks in his diaper. As I said earlier, it's hard being the poop police and I wasn't really sure. As of last night I am sure. Bubby has been crankier (so much that Glenn jokingly called him Baby Godzilla today) and I feel like his diapers have been going downhill. The ironic part is that I was just starting to feel better with our wheat introduction, although I still have some undesirable gastrointestinal issues.

Before last night, my thinking was to introduce wheat directly into his diet (although who knows how that would go as he doesn't really consume anything beyond breastmilk). I thought it was our best bet to figure out if that was really what was bothering him. Now, I feel like our only logical option is to re-eliminate. As I said earlier, for me eating gluten-free really isn't that hard. And, if dairy and soy were back in our diet eating gluten-free would be very easy. So, back to the drawing board! We'll re-eliminate the wheat, wait a few weeks and try the dairy.

At least, that is our thinking for now. I feel like it really is for the best.

Wordless Wednesday: Photography by Beanie

I'm linked up over at Hobo Mama, and Dagmar's Momsense so click on over to see more Wordless Wednesday posts.