Plans.

I had plans to blog today, but I had a clingy, cranky, I-was-up-every-hour-last-night, I-refuse-to-nap-until-I-basically-pass-out-from-sheer-exhaustion toddler on my hands.

So, I threw my plans out the window and more or less went along with his.

Nine Years.

Nine years ago I said, "I do," to the love of my life, my best friend and my partner in crime.

Nine years later, turns out he's an awesome dad and a better partner than I ever could have asked for.

We've had our ups and downs, but we persevere and work hard at our marriage. The last year-and-a-half has been hard. Like HARD. I honestly think if we can persevere through what we've gone through in the last eighteen months that we can make it through anything.

I love you, Glenn. Happy Anniversary.

Awful.

As a breastfeeding mom I'm glad that I have the support of my husband and the confidence to provide information to extended family members and/or let their comments slide right on down my back.

There are so many things wrong with the Evenflo advertisement....

The baby who is supposedly nursing, but so obviously positioned to just be cuddling on couch with mom.

The comments from the peanut gallery. About mom's breast size.

The husband sitting there playing on his phone while his mother gives his wife a hard time.

The mother feeling the need to go hide in a room and pump a quick bottle (which, seriously, did you see how much she pumped?? She has an awesome supply ;)) to placate her mother-in-law.

And the dad. Drinking the breast milk. The horrible looks on everyone's face. The slow motion. The comment that it must be 2% (i.e., sub-par in some way).

I mean, have you tasted breastmilk? It's pretty sweet. It'd probably be damn good in coffee.

I HATE this advertisement. I HATE that a company who used to be WHO code compliant is now so blatantly playing up the supposed "hard parts" of breastfeeding and undermining what many have worked so hard for -- REAL support for breastfeeding moms.

Read Annie at PhD in Parenting's take on the Evenflo ad. As always, she states things intelligently and causes you to pause and think.

Menu Plan Monday 09/05

Menu planning has become a bit trickier lately as I am eating some soy and Bubby is now eating wheat (more on that later). I guess not so much tricky as we just need to make sure we have all the bases covered. Dinners are largely still eating gluten-, dairy- and soy-free, or quite easily adapted. 


It's kind of a weird week for us, but here's our plan:

Monday: Teriyaki chicken wraps with broccoli and rice tortillas (We used San J gluten-free teriyaki sauce (contains soy), but we've used Coconut Aminos in the past with good results).
Tuesday: Dinner out with family???
Wednesday: It's our 9th wedding anniversary so we'll be going out :)
Thursday: Spaghetti (we usually use Trader Joes GF pasta, but I bought some De Boles gluten-free pasta because it was on sale at Whole Foods -- and had a coupon!)
Friday: Applegate organic hot dogs (OMG, I will never eat another kind of hot dog again!) with Udi's gluten free buns & fresh veggies
Saturday: Turkey Tostadas
Sunday: Chicken and Dumplings (I made the biscuits on the side this time because both Glenn & Beanie prefer it that way)

I'm linked up at I'm an Organizing Junkie so click on over for more menu-planning ideas.

Sunday Surf: 09/04

I've finally gotten in to reading blogs again after quite a long hiatus. Just getting back in to it, but I've read a few really good things over the last week (or so). Here are a few of them:

• Since we've been having some issues with four year old defiance (I keep reminding myself that her persistence and intensity will serve her well later in life), I really liked 10 Secrets Every Parent Needs to Know about Saying No at Aha! Parenting.
• This video where the Car Seat Lady explains the new AAP car seat recommendations is a must see.
• Just for fun -- 12 Great Parenting Products for Traumatizing Your Baby.
• Oh yes, Twitter. I suck at it. And this guest post over at 5 Minutes for Mom let me know there's good reason for it & I'm not the only one! I am in love with the Crappy Pictures by Amber Dusick, probably because my artistic ability is about at the level of stick figures.
• Education has been on my mind a lot lately, probably because next year Beanie will be in kindergarten and I'm having some second thoughts about not doing preschool this year, but Teacher Tom reminds us that Hey, It's not a Race!
• Not a blog post, but this thread at CarSeat.Org is great for learning how to do the harness pinch test on your child's carseat.
• This post by Amber at Beyond Postpartum really hit home for me as I've been working hard at breaking the cycle of anxiety and worry.

Head on over to Authentic Parenting for more Sunday Surfing.

Progress in the Garden.

I've been pretty motivated lately to dig out the garden. Once my body stopped aching I got to work. I wish I'd taken a before picture, but just think completely overgrown, full of weeds, jungle garden. This is what it looks like now:

There are four blueberry plants in the far corner. We planted them last year and may add a couple more to that corner of the garden. I have dreams of a thriving vegetable garden. I'm cautiously optimistic as I have a self-proclaimed brown thumb. I have been known to kill off pretty much everything I attempt to grow, including a Christmas cactus. A friend suggested a few gardening books so I'm going to check those out, do some planning and hope for the best come next year!

Any green thumbs out there? Have any good tips for a newbie?

Giving up the Dishwasher

When we were looking at homes to buy I was pretty adamant that our new places must have a dishwasher. I mean, what would we do? Wash the dishes by hand? Now, about two-and-a-half years after moving in, I'm thinking about saying to hell with the dishwasher.

I've been toying with the idea for a few months now. There are a few reasons. First, our dishwasher is a piece of junk so we pretty much have to scrub and scrape all the dishes before they go in the washer so it wouldn't really be that much work to put a little more effort (and soap) in to it and just do the whole job at the sink. Second, I'm curious how our electric bill would be impacted by eliminating use of our dishwasher. Third, water conservation. There are a few things holding me back too. First, the fact that I am just really starting to get in to a routine, back to normal, etc. Second, my kitchen can go from sparkly and shiny to this disastrous mess faster than you would ever imagine possible. Or, maybe it wouldn't surprise you if your household is anything like mine.

Is anyone here dishwasher-less? Did you have one before? Do you miss it?

The Return to Life.

As I said before the theme for September's NaBloPoMo is 'Return.' I found this somewhat fitting for my return to blogging, but, more so, in my recent return to life.

I feel like post-partum depression robbed me of so many things over the last 17 1/2 months. I read a blog post quite awhile back (I think it was on Postpartum Progress, but last time I searched I couldn't find the exact post) about how having PPD made you feel like you were in a bubble floating over everything that was happening in your life. I can definitely relate to that feeling. I doubly kick myself because I don't have too many pictures of Bubby over the last 17 1/2 months. I guess I wonder if, without pictures, I will remember what all occurred while I was in that bubble. I am always thankful that my step-mom has her camera out and ready nearly every time they are over because at least those pictures serve to help me remember. Logically I know that, in the end, it doesn't really matter. Bubby won't grow up and wonder why there aren't a lot of pictures of his first year of life. He will grow up and thrive because of the love and attention he received during this period of time. Still, I have that guilt that the pictures aren't there, that I felt like a spectator in the highest, farthest away seat in the stadium and it was my own life.

At least now I feel like I am an active participant in life. Perhaps not fully to the extent I'd like to be, but we're getting there. I remember dancing with the kids a few weeks ago. Just happily dancing. Not watching them dance. I was there, in the thick of life, and loving it.

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If you're a regular reader, you've probably noticed I've changed a few things up. New title. New layout. What do you think? If you're visiting from NaBloPoMo, say hi!

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes....

I've had that nagging feeling that I want to write and tinker around with the blog. I hadn't been feeling that way in awhile, but it's sort of been creeping up on my for the last week or so. I want to change a few things, write about a few things, reconnect a bit, and have some fun.

I also saw that the theme for September NaBloPoMo (which, as I've said before is now apparently NaBloPoeachandeveryMo) is 'Return" which seems somewhat fitting, so I'll probably give it a go and see where my writing leads me.

So, I guess I'll play around here for a few days and get to writing. I'll leave you with a bit of an update for now...

I'm still on the Zoloft and it seems to be helping a lot. We've adjusted my dose a bit and things are going well.

While I've been feeling pretty well emotionally, physically has been another thing. About two-and-a-half weeks ago I woke up in immense pain -- joint pain everywhere and muscle pain on top of it. It localized in my right arm and hand, to the point where I couldn't pick up a tortilla chip, grasp my phone or move the mouse without my hand aching terribly. One night on the way home from dinner my lips and tongue were numb. Things have been mentioned that scare me. Fibromyalgia. Progressive neurological disorder. Rheumatoid arthritis. I don't really have a clue what is going on. The pain is gone now and I'm back to just normal neck stiffness. I went to see a general practitioner and they drew a bunch of blood to test. I think they checked everything under the sun -- the general stuff, along with thyroid, iron, vitamin d, potassium, blood sugar, ran a rheum panel, and a few other things I can't remember. I'm waiting to hear the results. So, that really sucks.

I've been working on focusing on me, my marriage, and my children. I worked out in the garden the last couple days (somewhat amazing considering how I felt last week) and have high hopes for a vegetable garden in the next year or so. I know next to nothing about gardening, so I'll have to do my research. We've been working at eating more locally and it doesn't get any more local than your own backyard. I've been reading a lot. Finished Raising Your Spirited Child (which, I swear, the author wrote about Beanie) and am now reading Parenting Beyond Belief. I just ordered Raising Freethinkers with an old Borders gift card I found so I'm excited for that too.

Right now I'm sipping a coconut milk mocha and having some time for myself. I've been trying to be more vigilant at speaking up and taking time for myself, but it's been hit or miss the last few days. It feels nice to be sitting here alone.

It feels nice to be blogging.

A Mish-Mosh of Utter Randomness

Wow, it's been awhile, eh?

Where to start?

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I started taking Zoloft four weeks ago. After feeling like I would surely lose my damn mind for about 48hours (which, not so awesomely coincided with the preparation for Beanie's party and the party) and feeling like intermittent waves of panic would strike at any time for about a week, I am happy to say that I am feeling better than I have in the last 16.5months. Probably. Still having some ebb and flow (to be expected I suppose) and I'm still on a very low dose. I also have a prescription for Klonopin for panic attacks, but, luckily, have only had to take 1/4 pill. Once.

I wasn't really feeling like blogging during this transition time. It was a difficult decision for me to go on the meds, one I've probably been considering since I started therapy back in December. It was time though. I haven't been the mom, wife, friend, person I've wanted to be in awhile. But, things are looking up. I may talk about it more later. I may not for awhile. I am glad I made this decision because I do think it's helping. I'm hoping it will be the little extra oomph I need to get to doing the things I know will really help me feel better.

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Beanie's party was a big success. I'm absolutely certain she had a blast. She is already planning her fifth birthday party (and, I think, has been since two days after she turned four).

My little pirate.

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I've been staying away from virtually all television and computer time in the evenings. I've found that if I read before bed I fall asleep more easily. So nice to not have a busy mind at bedtime. I've also covered up the alarm clock in the room (should probably just get it out of the room all together because we never use it) and it really helps to not have that awkward light in the room during those nighttime nursing sessions (which there have been a lot of lately as Bubby is cutting all four one-year molars at once). I haven't really felt like blogging even until the last few days. I've been trying to focus on myself, my family and the house. I've been reading mostly non-fiction (finished In Defense of Food (loved!!) and am reading Raising Your Spirited Child (Beanie to a T!!)).

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What else? My neck and back had been feeling pretty good until a set back late last week. I now feel horrible again, at least in my neck. Had a good adjustment at the chiropractor today so I'm hoping things are looking up again soon. Was hoping this would be my last month of going so often and I could just drop in for the next few months until my insurance kicks in again for the new year. We shall see. Maybe I'll win the lotto between now and August 1st? Would help if I played, no?

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I'll be around more often I hope. I'm here. Just working on taking care of me. I have a little blog project I'm working on (so far I'm just working on it in my head so we'll see what materializes) and I do miss reading others' blogs too.

Until next time....