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| Image credit: paris_corrupted on Flickr |
If a year ago you would have told me that I'd have the most difficult year of my life, I would've had a few people in mind who I would've said would really be there for me. The list would've been short, for sure, but I'm sad that most of them haven't been there for me.
I'll be the first to admit I've been a crappy friend (wife, sister, daughter, fill in the blank here) this last year. I don't return calls. I cancel plans. I ignore (or just plain forget about) emails. But, the people who keep reaching out to me? You mean more to me than you could know right now.
I don't know why I've had this on my mind so much lately. Over the last year we've made new friends who have offered support and help many times (although, admittedly, I've been pretty shabby about accepting!). I feel like I have people I could count on if (or is it when?) I need help. They all mean so much to me as well.
But it's eating at me, the fact that those few people I thought I could really count on weren't there for me. I'm not talking about coddling me or holding me up. I'm just talking about checking in every so often and saying. "How's it going?" or "Haven't heard from you in a bit." Even a comment on my stupid little Facebook status or my blog. Whatever.
Sure, I'm needy. I take things too personally. That's just me right now.
One thing is for sure. Glenn has been my rock this last year. I honestly don't know if I could've made it through all this junk without him. He's supported me, been there for me, worked way too much and then come home and picked up all the pieces. He pushed me to finally go see a counselor and sacrificed his time so I could get on the road to wellness. He's held me as I cried for no reason at all and he's held me as we laugh about happier times.
This last year has been about self-preservation, about just getting through. I apologize if I wasn't the friend (or fill in the blank) I was "supposed" to be. I just couldn't be
I guess, in short, I'm thankful for the support network I do have. But I mourn for the support network I thought I had.
((HUGS)) It's amazing what a bit of difficulty in life does to shed light on relationships. I think there are many of us out there who've been underwhelmed with support from people we just "knew" would be there for us during tough times. Hang in there and when you do have the energy to pour into your relationships you'll now have a better realization of which relationships are worth your energy and which are not.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad your wrote this. I think it's important to be honest with ourselves and others regarding our emotional health. I'm also glad you have such a supportive and loving husband.
ReplyDeleteI'm also bad at reaching out to the people who reach out to me. I'm glad that you have plenty of support in your life right now. We all go through hard times, and it's important to tray and help each other along as best as we can.
ReplyDeleteIt definately sucks when the people who you think will always be there just aren't.
ReplyDeleteFortunately, every so often, someone comes out of the woodwork to at least help fill the gap.
By the way, thank you so much for your honesty about this part of your journey and for your honestly when I casually asked how it's going. You're an example of strength, whether you know it now or not!
Unfortunately, "or fortunately depending on how you look at it" it is times when the things are the worst that you really start to find out who you can truly count on. I have learned this the hard way through a deployment, but I was actually glad to weed out those people who I learned didn't care as much as they claimed.
ReplyDeleteHoly crap....I just wrote a somewhat similar post about this today! I must be needy too....but I'm glad someone out there feels the same way!!
ReplyDelete