|Image credit: paris_corrupted on Flickr|
If a year ago you would have told me that I'd have the most difficult year of my life, I would've had a few people in mind who I would've said would really be there for me. The list would've been short, for sure, but I'm sad that most of them haven't been there for me.
I'll be the first to admit I've been a crappy friend (wife, sister, daughter, fill in the blank here) this last year. I don't return calls. I cancel plans. I ignore (or just plain forget about) emails. But, the people who keep reaching out to me? You mean more to me than you could know right now.
I don't know why I've had this on my mind so much lately. Over the last year we've made new friends who have offered support and help many times (although, admittedly, I've been pretty shabby about accepting!). I feel like I have people I could count on if (or is it when?) I need help. They all mean so much to me as well.
But it's eating at me, the fact that those few people I thought I could really count on weren't there for me. I'm not talking about coddling me or holding me up. I'm just talking about checking in every so often and saying. "How's it going?" or "Haven't heard from you in a bit." Even a comment on my stupid little Facebook status or my blog. Whatever.
Sure, I'm needy. I take things too personally. That's just me right now.
One thing is for sure. Glenn has been my rock this last year. I honestly don't know if I could've made it through all this junk without him. He's supported me, been there for me, worked way too much and then come home and picked up all the pieces. He pushed me to finally go see a counselor and sacrificed his time so I could get on the road to wellness. He's held me as I cried for no reason at all and he's held me as we laugh about happier times.
This last year has been about self-preservation, about just getting through. I apologize if I wasn't the friend (or fill in the blank) I was "supposed" to be. I just couldn't be
I guess, in short, I'm thankful for the support network I do have. But I mourn for the support network I thought I had.