Sunday Surf: 01/15

I'm joining Authentic Parenting and Hobo Mama for Sunday Surf. Share your best reading of the week, and link up your post at either blog!
For more great reading, visit Hobo Mama or Authentic Parenting for the latest Sunday Surf and linky.
Happy Surfing!




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Well, we have about five or six inches of snow here so it's been a quiet (and fun) weekend. Beanie is very excited about all the snow. Bubby enjoys looking at it, but is a little intimidated trying to trudge around in so much snow. He's quite happy to be carried around and look at it though.

Parenting

• My Secret Life -- I loved this post on cutting out distractions and getting back to what's important. I've been making my time in the playroom "hands free" and am trying hard to move towards that in all my time with the kids.
• Unwind -- This post about parenting and marriage really, really spoke to me. Like I cried reading it. Hubby and I went on a date last night. I wish we could find a way to go on more. Baby steps.
• Did you check out the Carnival of Natural Parenting? It was all about experimenting with green living and I loved reading through the posts. Since the carnival I've been using a homemade facial scrub every day and I will never ever go back to using a commercial one. My skin feels so nice!

Secular Parenting

• I really liked these two videos. I know, I know...not something to read, but they're good food for thought. Anything but an Atheist! and Anything but an Atheist II.

Birth

• It was brought to my attention that the UW School of Nursing wants to end the nurse midwifery program because they said it didn't meet a "societal need." There's a petition on Change.org to save the program and I urge you to sign it 

Well, that's all. Happy reading!

Birth Thoughts (and please help support midwifery care).

I've been thinking a lot about pregnancy and birth lately.

Bubby's birth.

I don't know if it's because he is nearing two-years old and it's becoming more apparent every.single.day. that he is more of a toddler and less of a baby.

I don't know if it's because we've decided our family is complete.

I don't know if it's because I still haven't had a post-partum period and I'm all hormonal.

I don't know if it's because the midwifery practice that we transferred care to has been pretty effectively disbanded and now there is no longer real midwifery care at the hospital we delivered at.

I do know one thing. That is that if we hadn't transferred care to the midwifery practice we most certainly would not have had the birth experience we did. My midwife was caring and supportive, she encouraged me, and gave us what we needed -- just a little more time. Not to be watched on a clock. I wish I could have been less anxious during my early labor with Bubby; I wish I could have trusted that my body was doing what it needed to and that the timing was perfect, not something to worry about. Our midwife assured us of that and every went well.

This petition at change.org calls for the establishment of a true midwifery practice at the hospital. Please consider signing. It doesn't matter whether you birth with an OB in a hospital or a midwife at home, in a birth center, or in a hospital; the point is that every mother should have a choice.

Sunday Surf: April 24

 

I unplugged a bit more than I had originally intended for Screen Free Week and it was really, really nice.

I did have the opportunity to read some really good stuff over the week though and here are some of my favorites.

• Annie at PhD in Parenting writes about body image in Do you like you?
• Teacher Tom talks about how education (and teaching) is nothing special; Education is Life Itself
• I couldn't agree more with Mamapoekie's take on normalizing extended breastfeeding.
• Brittany at Birth Unplugged is writing a series on Birth Idealization Traps. Her first post is on The Trap of Idealizing the Intervention-Free Birth.
• I love this post on Embracing Our Flaws and Mistakes as Mothers over at Postpartum Progress. This is something I've really been working on.

Head on over to Authentic Parenting for more Sunday Surfing.

Sunday Surf: March 27

 

Here, here to my 2nd edition of the Sunday Surf. Here are some of the best posts I've read in the last week.

• A reminder from the Hippy Housewife to Beware of the Baby Trainers.
•  In case you missed it, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) updated their recommendation on car seats.
• If you have questions or think the new AAP recommendations on rear-facing carseats until age 2 are too much (they aren't!), read Rear-Facing Until 2 Years Old: Why Not? And, for what it's worth, Beanie rode rear-facing until she was over 2 1/2 and she's so tall she was the height of an average four year old then. Your child is not too tall to ride rear-facing.
• Sheila at A Gift Universe wrote this well thought out and informative post on Food Sensitivities.
• Interesting article that doesn't weigh in on whether or not people should be religious, it just looks at mathematical models that point to the idea that Organized Religion 'will be driven toward extinction' in 9 countries.
• Catherine Deveny writes that all children need is to know they are loved.
• Lauren at Hobo Mama wrote a guest post about preparing an older sibling for a new birth at PhD in Parenting. 
• Mamapoekie talks about spring cleaning in cyberspace, something I think is a great idea.
• Read Ina May Gaskin's Vision for the future of maternal health care in America.

Sunday Surf: First Edition

I keep thinking I should join in the Sunday Surf with Mamapoekie. Mostly because I link a lot of posts on my Facebook, posts that perhaps would be more interesting to my blog readers than to many of my Facebook friends. I still link them on Facebook. I figure it's my personal page (I keep thinking maybe I need a Facebook page for my blog, but then I remember I'm trying to cut back on my online time, not increase it) and I can do with it what I want. I also figure that you never know who might gather a tidbit of useful information from a post I link. They also might hide me on Facebook, but I suppose that's another problem all together.

So, without further ado, here's my very first Sunday Surf -- the best of what I've read in the last week (plus a few extra goodies from earlier this month):

• You are not a perfect parent by Annie at PhD in Parenting. Granted this is not a new post, but she linked it on her Facebook fan page today and it is definitely worth the read. A good reminder that no one is perfect.
• What to hate about 'What to Expect When You're Expecting'. When I was pregnant with Beanie I remember hearing about how awful this book was. Luckily my OB gave me a copy of Pregnancy, Childbirth, and the Newborn by Penny Simkin and I never touched WTEWYE.
• The hottest gluten-free launches of 2011 (so far) by the Scottsdale gluten-free Examiner. I can't wait to try some Rudi's hotdog buns, especially since the ones I tried last night were inedible. And new flavors of Luna & Larry's coconut milk ice-cream. I'd also like to try the new Amande yogurt, since Cascade Fresh was my favorite yogurt in my dairy eating days.
• Why preschool shouldn't be like school explains how the research shows that children need "a rich, stable, and safe world, with affectionate and supportive grown-ups, and lots of opportunities for exploration and play. Not school for babies."
• A good reminder that rear facing carseats aren't just for babies anymore.
• And, just for fun (and because Jenny Lawson's aka The Bloggess' posts on The Stir make me bust a gut every time) -- Lesson 12: Working Moms vs. Stay-at-Home Moms: Worst Cage Match Ever
• If you've been following our random acts of kindness for the March of Kindness, check out this wrap-up post from Code Name: Mama
• I'm also still trying to get through reading all of the Top Ten lists from the March Carnival of Natural Parenting.

So, there you go! A little bit of reading for you to enjoy. If you've read something really great this week post a link in the comments so I can check it out.

We're done having kids, but...

And it's a very small but...

I wish I would've had a midwife caring for me during my entire pregnancy. I wish I would've had the courage to take the leap and transfer care much earlier in our pregnancy. Don't get me wrong, I'm so glad I did transfer care when I did, but I sure wish I could've walked out of every prenatal appointment with a smile on my face and a skip in my step. Okay, maybe not the skip in my step, especially with contractions from doing just about anything from 33weeks on, but you get the idea. I wish I wouldn't have kept telling myself that my OB was so great with Beanie's birth and that we would be able to have the same experience again with her.

I am so glad that when I was 33 weeks pregnant my OB's office totally dropped the ball, pissed me off and gave me the courage to transfer care. It was just the extra push I needed to really feel comfortable with my prenatal care. And given how Bubby's birth went, the fact that I transferred care to a midwife probably saved me from a lot of unnecessary intervention and, quite possibly, a c-section. (Not that a c-section is the end of the world, obviously there are times when a c-section is warranted for both mom and baby's health -- just in my situation Bubby obviously needed a little more time than I'm sure the OB would've "given" me.)

I should be thankful that I have had two straightforward and natural deliveries. That my two babes entered this world peacefully. Pushing with Bubby was a lot more work than with Beanie -- the only thing I wonder about his birth is if I should have consented to AROM to help with his descent (the MW thought perhaps the bulging water bag was slowing his descent somewhat and he was already at +1 station). On the other hand, it could've gotten him stuck and I know that. I made my decision as an informed mama -- and I was glad to stick to my guns and have absolutely no intervention with Bubby's birth. Beanie's birth truly exceeded my expectations as a first time mom. Bubby's birth, while completely different than I envisioned, showed me that I was a much stronger person than I knew.

We've always said we'd only have two kids. I only want two kids. My little family feels complete. But I do regret not switching care earlier, really doing what deep down I knew was best for the two of us. I sort of wish I'd had the chance to experience a birth center (or home) birth. But, what's done is done.

I don't know. I feel a bit silly posting about this when many mamas work through much more difficult circumstances. I feel very, very lucky to have had two births go (pretty much) just how I wished.

But, but, but...

Glenn scheduled his snip-snip (or, as he calls it, getting "donkey kicked in the balls") for September. I've been on him to schedule the darn thing already. I feel it's a good decision, THE correct decision since we feel as though our family is complete.

I'll never have a pregnancy attended wholly by a midwife. I'll never give birth in a birth center or at home.

I did get to have two of the most amazing experience of my life. And two perfect little babies (who are getting bigger every day!) to boot.

And I can advocate and help inform friends and family who give birth after me so that they are well-informed (truly informed) about their birth options.

One Year Ago Today...

....I saw this. I wasn't really surprised. In my mind I knew we were pregnant, but I was trying not to psyche myself out. We had just gotten back from our totally insane family trip to Georgia. In Georgia I had noticed I was having horrible stomach problems (my first early pregnancy sign with Beanie) and I was uber emotional (and not just because I was stuck in a house with my crazy mother-in-law for three days). When we flew home I was feeling nauseous on the flight. I attributed it to turbulence, but when we got home I was still feeling "off." I told Glenn that either my little nephew got me sick or we were pregnant. I refused to test until cd (cycle day for you non ttc-ers) 28 since I had gotten a BFN (big fat negative) with Beanie on cd 28.

So, on the morning of July 24, 2009, I woke up, took out the pregnancy test and went pee. I saw the very faint line immediately. I texted a pic to Glenn, but (of course) the quality wasn't great and he could hardly tell. I could though. Still, I made him buy a digital test on the way home. It said "YES+" (why couldn't he have bought one that said "PREGNANT" in blaring big letters???).

Today, one year later, my son brings me so much joy. He makes me laugh, smile, and beam with joy every day. He's the perfect addition to our little family. We're complete now (much to my father's chagrin we are d-o-n-e done now, although he keeps bringing up how we should have more babies --ugh!!).

So, one year ago I got to see some little lines on a pee stick. Today I get to look at this guy...

How lucky am I?

You can read Bubby's birth story in this post.

There Goes My Hair.

You know when you're pregnant and your hair is all thick and pretty. It grows fast and doesn't fall out.

Well, yea, now I'm at that post-partum stage where your hair comes out in huge clumps in the shower.

If I don't have the baby with me someone might guess I'm expecting this winter.

Nothing really fits right. Either the maternity stuff or the regular stuff.

But, you know what. I'm working on accepting this new me. It's hard, but this is me right now. Balding with about one pair of pants and two shirts that fit.

And the other day when I was wearing a maternity shirt from when I was pregnant with Beanie, a pair of jean capris (which were the second pair of pants I had on that day because I decided the first just looked way too awful), wet hair thrown back in a ponytail and absolutely no make-up on, Glenn came up to me and said, "you look nice."

My response? "Really?"

And that one comment absolutely unequivocally made my day.

I then proceeded to explain that I was wearing a maternity shirt. Glenn said he didn't care, that he liked it and it looked good.

I guess I should just learn to take a compliment.

Reflections.

Sorry about the blog neglection. I really have come to loathe typing one-handed this time around and 2.0 is pretty colicky making quiet time hard to come by. But right now he's soundly sleeping (of course, he was up most of the night!) but Beanie is awake and cleaning her playroom (at least she's supposed to be) so I thought I'd try to blog really quickly.

Before my reflections, 2.0 is doing great (besides the whole colic matter). He gained almost 4lbs between being discharged from the hospital and his 1mth appointment. Score: 1 for Mommy's Milk. He usually sleeps pretty well once he winds down from the all-out screaming. Last night we passed up the screaming (yay!) but he was up at 1:30 until about 4 or so (upset the last hour) and then again at 5. Ah, this too will pass. Beanie is doing great being a big sister. I love seeing how she interacts with her little brother and can't wait till he's a bit older and they can giggle and play together.

So, okay, on to my original idea for this post...

I really am so glad that I switched my prenatal care. I've thought about this A LOT, but I wholeheartedly believe that my birth experience would've been far different if I would've been in the care of my OB and not the MW practice. I think about all the times during my prenatal care that I had a funny feeling leaving my appointments (starting at the first appt!) and wish I would've done something about it sooner. That's my only regret. I kept thinking that maybe we should switch and it wasn't until I was 33 weeks pregnant and I REALLY got a bad feeling that I took the leap. And I just had this feeling -- that's what I told Glenn. I told him it was a sign that we needed to switch. He laughed and commented that I wasn't the superstitious type (and I'm not) but I just knew what we had to do. And when I met with the midwife the feeling turned into a strong conviction. WE HAD TO SWITCH. I walked out of the midwife's office with a lighter step, a smile, and a weight lifted from my shoulders.

Little did I know that I would have non-progressing contractions for almost 18 hours and a high leak in my water bag. Add those two things together and, in my OB practice, I'm sure I would've been hooked up to some pitocin to "help" me along. Since I absolutely hated lying down for even the shortest bit of time I'm sure I would've ended up with more interventions. I wouldn't have been able to labor at home when I thought my water bag had broken, they would've wanted me to come in right away. And I needed those 6-7 hours between my water leaking and being admitted for my body to be ready.

I'm just glad I switched. All along I never imagined I'd have such a different labor experience than I had with Beanie. I just had this feeling that I should switch because I was so unhappy with the care received at the OB's office (and the whole bleeding-to-death comment by the OB sort of sealed the deal). Come to find out it was likely the best decision I ever made for 2.0 and myself. I thought about this A LOT after having 2.0. I just know things would not have turned out the same. I guess what I want to say the most, because maybe it will help someone somewhere) is that if, for any reason, you are uncomfortable with your care you should make the switch. You just never know how things will turn out and it's better to be in the care of someone you're comfortable with than someone you're not.

The Waiting Game.

I'm 37 weeks pregnant today. After both my OB and my MW saying that 2nd babies tend to be born around the same time as 1st babies or a few days earlier I feel like I'm playing the waiting game. I should mention that I told both the OB and the MW that I figured he'd be here when he was well and ready and that I wasn't planning on him being 2 weeks early like his sister. That said, now that the time is getting closer it's seeming CLOSE.

For sure we are pretty much ready. As ready as we'll ever be! There are a few more things I'd like to get taken care of. I wish the weather would lighten up so we could go do something fun with Beanie. I get so tired and crampy doing anything it seems. We were supposed to go to a playdate this morning, but I just cancelled because I was up most of the night and Beanie got up pretty early today. Plus she was up in the middle of the night thinking there was a "monster on her bed." Ugh. Not a good time for nightmares to start :(

I feel bad that Beanie and I haven't done much fun lately. I know it won't last much longer though. Sure, there'll be a learning curve to getting out and about with the two of them, but I imagine we'll be getting out and about a lot sooner with 2.0 than we did with Beanie. We've been doing lots of puzzles and reading and playing, but Beanie is so social and I know she'd love to get out and play and be crazy with her friends. I do like snuggling with her though and am trying to make the most of this last time the two of us have one-on-one. Trying my hardest, although admittedly we've been watching a lot of TV too. But just in spurts. Still.

So, I'm waiting. Maybe for a long while. Maybe for a short while. I suppose I'm prepared either way.

The next person who tells me...

...how huge my baby is going to be is going to get my fist in their face.

Seriously.

And I do have a third degree brown belt in kung fu so you might want to watch out.

I know what I'm doing.

But, really, why does anyone think it's okay to comment on the size of my pregnant belly or my soon-to-be-born baby?

And, genius, if you see me waddling around like I can't walk for crap obviously no I haven't had the baby yet.

And please don't gasp when I tell you I'm not due for 3 more weeks.

No Dad, I do not wish to discuss my cervix with you.

Or anything remotely related to that area. Much appreciated. Thanks. Bye.

So, I had planned on blogging about something entirely different today (namely my awesome Hubby pulling double duty as bread man extraordinaire and do-everything-around-the-house guy), but I'm going to have to pass that topic up in light of the conversation I had with my father.

Today is his birthday so imagine my surprise when he beats me to it and calls me. In my defense it was only about 9:30am. So, yea, we're talking, doing the whole update him on my life thing. He tells me numerous times that he's "waiting for the call." I tell him numerous times that I hope that call isn't for a few more weeks. And, besides Dad "waiting for the call" signals an alarm in my brain because when I was pregnant with Beanie EVERY time I called him after 34 weeks or so he'd answer the phone "Is this the call?"

No, Dad, it's Father's Day.

Nope. Just calling you back.

Finally I just stopped answering the phone when he called and stopped calling him.

But, by far, the most awkward moment in the conversation came when, after telling him that I'd been having a few (or more than a few) contractions off and on, he asked me if I was dilated.

Um, actually, I don't know. And if I did my father would be just about the last person on the Earth I would want to discuss it with. Sorry, dads and cervixes just don't mix.

CAUTION: Entering crazy I'm-about-to-have-a-baby pregnant zone.

On Friday it hit me. I'm 35 weeks pregnant. And it was almost the end of February which meant that long list of things that I had wanted to get done "by the end of February" should be almost done, right? Because I had like 2 days to finish it.

So I immediately went into freak out mode and made a huge long list of things we *have* to get done in the next week. Glenn wondered why they have to be done next week and I'm like because they HAVE to get done!!! Enter the crazy I'm-about-to-have-a-baby zone. The zone where I think of anything and everything we still need to do and want it done yesterday. The zone where I drive Glenn completely nuts for the next two weeks until the baby comes.

With Beanie it didn't happen so early on I think. I remember freaking out that he HAD to install the carseat one night. That night I went into labor. So I was, what, 38 weeks exactly the night I freaked out about the carseat. Okay, in all honesty I think I had been bugging him about it for a week or so and then finally was like "It HAS to be done tonight!!!" And we had more time on our hands last time around so the room was ready and etc. We had a shower so we had lots of clothes. Too many clothes -- like so many that some of the ones I'm passing on still have tags on them and quite a few have never been worn. But I am swapping clothes with a friend as soon as I am healthy (it's certainly thrown a kink in my get-everything-done plans to be sick!) and, really, newborns don't need that many clothes. And, I'm sure those who do gift us things will gift clothes. I registered for a few (boring) things like diapers, tylenol, nursing pads, and on and on but I really doubt anyone is going to buy me a tube of lanolin. But, clothes...I'm sure we'll have an abundance of and (again) probably more than we need.

I never was a crazy nester with Beanie. You know, like the people that go and scrub the corners of their rooms with a toothbrush. But, I'd really like a clean house before 2.0 arrives. Between our stressful week the week before last and all three of us being sick last week we are way behind the times. I'm hoping we can all start feeling better and start crossing things off one by one. My goal is this next week because, in reality, I know it's going to take longer. Seriously, I can barely unload and load the dishwasher and switch the laundry without having contractions. I have Braxton Hicks all day long. They've really kicked it up a notch in the last few days. Probably doesn't help to be sick.

And I have a 2 1/2 year old who has decided she doesn't want to listen to anything Glenn or I say. Mostly me it seems. Between being sick, pregnant and achey I have no patience for her lack of listening lately. It makes me feel bad, but I think most anyone would probably react the same way. We talked about what we were going to work on today (um, listening) so let's hope we make some progress.

Up a notch on the Crunchy Meter

Baby 2.0 and I are officially in the care of an awesome midwife practice. Let me tell you, although it was stressful to switch I just KNOW it was the right thing to do. I walked out of my first MW appt yesterday feeling good -- not upset at how things seemed to be going. My only regret? Not switching sooner.

I'll try to make the long story short. On Thursday afternoon I had my meet and greet at the midwife's office. I immediately felt more comfortable talking to them and found out everything in my birth plan is pretty much standard practice for them. I walked out of the appointment feeling GREAT and, I think, deep down knowing just what we needed to do. I talked to Glenn and he agreed, but we decided to wait until after our OB appt Friday afternoon to make any final decision.

Friday was a whirlwind of a day. I ended up having to take Beanie to the doctor in the morning, then we squeezed in an unhealthy lunch at McDonalds and then went to my OB appt. I was surprised to be met at the pee drop-off my the medical assistant who said I could head right back to the scale. That was a first, but I was really glad to not have to wait around with Beanie. Unfortunately, it wasn't any indication that the rest of the appointment would go well. When the OB came in the first thing she asked was whether I had any complications with my first pregnancy. I told her I had gestational diabetes. I tried to tell her that it was very mild, if not a false positive and that I had to add carbs back into my diet because my numbers plummeted so low after going on the GD diet. She would have none of it! She kept asking how big Beanie was (6lb 8oz -- hardly a BIG baby!), if I felt bigger this time around, and on and on. If you've followed my previous posts about the whole gestational diabetes thing, you know just how little I think of me actually having it last time. We talked a little more and then I asked if all the OBs were on the same page because my doctor had already signed off on my birth plan. The (new) OB said, Oh yea, I was looking that over. You should really reconsider having a HepLock at the least because when you're bleeding to death is a really bad time to try and place an IV." No joke -- those were her exact words. It was at that moment that I knew I was NEVER coming back to that office. I texted Glenn & told him what had happened. He asked if I was upset. I told him that, surprisingly no, I wasn't that it just made the decision that much easier for me. I knew we were doing the right thing.

If I could've I would've marched right over to the MW office and filled out the transfer form then, but I had Beanie with me and she can't come to that office during cold and flu season. So, we went home. We surrendered Sammycat that afternoon. All three of us went. I'm glad we all went -- it was very emotional for all of us. We cried (well, Glenn and I did) a ton. Beanie didn't really understand; I'm not sure she does even now. I'm sure it will take awhile. The other day she told me, "Don't worry mom, he'll be home soon," and I tried to explain (again) that he had a new home.

I'm still upset, but it's getting better. I'm almost in tears thinking about him in a little cage waiting to be adopted. I was a mess all Friday night and most of Saturday morning. When Glenn came home from work we talked though. He made a good point that really helped me with things. He said, of course we loved Sammy and we miss him. But when Glenn was getting ready for work he didn't have to worry about not waking up the cat (because then he would howl for hours and wake up Beanie & I) and he didn't have to look to see if there was crap on the floor. We love Sammy, but we couldn't live with his behavior and it really was the best decision for everyone, including Sammy. Glenn was right and I felt much better after thinking about it that way. I just hope Sammy has a nice, new home soon.

On the way home, we stopped by the MW office and I filled out the form to transfer my records and made all my appointments. I walked the form across the parking lot to the OB's office. I called them Monday to make sure it was being taken care of. I called Tuesday when I heard they weren't at the MW office yet. The office manager called me back and wanted to know what happened. She didn't seem to bat an eye at the "bleeding to death" comment, but was very apologetic that the front desk people didn't have enough sense to schedule me with one doctor for my last few appointments. Whatever, honestly at this point I don't think that would've helped, but at least they were making an effort. The MW's office called to let me know that my old office had hand-delivered my paperwork over to them. Nice, I guess?

I had my first "official" appointment with the midwife yesterday. Had a really good impression of the gal I met yesterday, so that's 2 out of the 5 that I clicked with. I felt listened to and didn't feel rushed at all. In fact, the almost 40minute appointment (new patient/new OB appt) seemed LONG! But I managed to fill up the time talking about Beanie's birth with her and with discussing any concerns or questions I had about my upcoming delivery. I have another appointment next Wednesday to go over my birth plan. It'll be nice to go into the appointment not feeling like I need to be on the defensive.

I really think switching care has helped alleviate a lot of the worries I had previously too, probably just because I feel better about things and don't feel anxious about my care. Of course, there could always be unforseen circumstances or emergencies but I feel like now I'm working with a group of people who are advocating for what I want too. It's a great feeling.

When it rains it pours.

I am SO over this week.

Between the cat and the bad (for now) news I got yesterday I'm ready for the week to be over.

Yesterday morning my OB's office called and said that she had a family emergency and would be out of the office until after my due date. I asked to switch to another doctor that a good friend recently delivered with, but, no, they have decided the best (maybe easiest for them?) course of action is to shuffle me around the office and just reschedule my appointments on the same day with whoever is on call. (Is it supposed to be whomever? I can never remember.) So, basically for the next six weeks of my care I'm going to see any and all docs in the office. I might get to see one twice IF I go past 39 weeks. I was pissed and sad and cried my freaking eyes out. Honestly, I hadn't been feeling all that great about my care with my OB for a lot of the pregnancy, but within the last few weeks we had a good long talk, she signed off on my birth plan, and I was feeling a lot better about things. She seemed like my old OB. When I had Beanie I described her to everyone as a lot like a midwife in the fact that she took her time, listened to my concerns and etc. This time, for many of the appointments, I felt assembly-line rushed through. It sucked. But, like I said, I was feeling a lot better about things recently.

Glenn just didn't understand what the big deal was. I told him I thought it was some sort of sign and he laughed and said, "you've never been superstitious," which, to his credit, is absolutely true. He said, "why don't we just get a doula or whatever?" I actually think he called them a ma-doula but whatever, I knew what he was talking about. Number one: we can't afford a doula. Number two: Finding a doula we clicked with who's available for an April (or perhaps late March) delivery is probably going to be hard right now. After we talked, I realized he didn't think it was a big deal because there is no guarantee our OB would actually deliver 2.0 anyways. Which, there isn't. Unless we delivered during office hours we would be with whoever was on call. But, that doesn't change that I have 5 more appointments with 4 different people. That is a huge deal to me. It feels so impersonal. Like I'm going to be "new" every time I go in to have an appointment. And they don't know me from Joe Blow. We had a good chat though and, after talking, he understood why it upset me so much. It's way more than just having someone else deliver 2.0.

We made the decision to call a midwife group that also delivers at the hospital. We are likely most comfortable delivering at the hospital so I feel like it's a good way to go. Or at least worth checking out. I've heard good things about them, but, who knows, they could be closet OB's. Lol. I've heard conflicting things. They actually have a couple spots left for April deliveries so I'm going in for a meet and greet this afternoon. I have my 34 week appointment on Friday afternoon (right before our appointment to surrender Sammycat to the Humane Society), so I figure I'll get a feel for how my current office is going to treat us OB-less preggos. We'll have to make our decision pretty quickly; the MW office said those couple spots could likely fill very quickly. I don't doubt it.

So, we'll see. Wish me luck. After crying most of yesterday about everything, I'm starting to feel like maybe this is just what I needed to push me to get better care for myself and 2.0. I definitely align myself moreso with a midwive's view of childbirth and maybe I'll meet with one of them and really click. I am a bit worried because I do think it's the same type of thing -- meet all the midwives and one of them will be the one to deliver. I worry that with only 6 weeks of pregnancy left that I won't have the opportunity to really know any of them, but I do know it'll probably be easier to have a MW on board with my birth plan than finding another OB who will be on board with it.

After much thought, I decided to call my mom and talk to her last night. See, she isn't always the listening type. More like talks your ear off about anything and everything. Like an hour conversation with her is pretty normal. To my surprise, she actually listened. And was somewhat understanding about the cat because they had to put their cat down last year. But, her comment about switching to a midwife? "Well, you'll still be at the hospital, right? You don't want to be giving birth in a swimming pool." Actually, no I don't. For one, I can't swim so it would scare the piss out of me. And, two, they're birthing pools not swimming pools for crying out loud. It's like a kiddie pool. Anyways, I told her the birth center was right across the street from the hospital but that I doubted we could get a spot there for an April birth (they only take 5 people a month). And, while Glenn is fully supportive of transferring to MW care I think it'd take a little more work to get him on board with a birth center birth. Anyhoo, I just thought her comment was a little funny. Funny in an uneducated dismissive sort of way. Not funny funny.

So, wish me luck!

Just some randomness...

Here's a few random updates. I've been pretty busy (and pretty exhausted) lately.

I've had a lot of contractions over the weekend. So many on Friday night that I called the on-call OB, but she said not to worry unless I had 6-8 in an hour. Seemed like a lot to me. I guess that's part of the joy of a second pregnancy?? Lots of early contractions! Yay. Insert sarcasm here.

It did sort of freak me out because I had a bout of pre-term labor with Beanie at 33 weeks and had to have a shot of terbutaline. I do sort of have a feeling this little guy is planning on coming early (Beanie was 2 weeks early) but I'd like him to bake for at least another month.

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Potty training is going awesome. Beanie is in underwear all the time except for naps and bedtime. She wakes up dry 99.9% of the time. Most of the time she will run to the potty when she needs to go, although, of course, we have accidents every now and again. I'm really glad we waited until she was ready ready and glad that (hopefully) we'll only be buying one size of diapers come April. Or at least that the diapers we buy for her will last a very long time when we're only using one or two a day!

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We went to Target yesterday and stocked up on stuff. Now that I'm almost 34 weeks (eeegads!) I've sort of got the whole -oh-my-god-we-need-to-get-ready mindset. I had a HUGE list of stuff to get -- nursing pads, lanolin, diapers, witch hazel pads, stuff for the hospital bag, sheets and a comforter for 2.0's room. We also got a newborn sized outfit for him to come home in; we already had a 0-3month one to pack, but I'm hoping NB will cut it. For Beanie, her NB sized outfit was big!

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2.0's room is almost done. I'll make sure and post pictures when it is!

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Beanie slept from 8:30 pm - 6am all by herself last night! Then I went and laid down with her for an hour and we slept some more. It's funny...even at 2 1/2 when she sleeps that long I find myself waking up and going in to peek on her. It was 4am and she was laying across her bed horizontally....so cute! As we were reading our bedtime stories last night she told me that I was "too big for her bed" and that I could "sleep in my bed." I'm in agreement!

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There's a HUGE pile of dishes on my kitchen counter. I've been trying to do chores in spurts in hope to not get totally tired out and to fend off any contractions. But, it's hard. I feel bad because Glenn is working like 12+ hours a day, coming home and working on 2.0's room and helping with chores and then going to bed to do it all over again. He's an awesome hubby and dad! I feel like we've both been short on patience with Beanie lately and I feel really bad about that. She's really been a pill lately, so the shortage of patience is probably not unexpected with all else we have going on. She's a sweetheart though -- I love her so much and feel bad because she's so social and would love to be out and about seeing her friends and playing ALL DAY EVERY DAY and, right about now, Mommy feels more like laying on the couch all day. I imagine it's only going to be harder after 2.0 arrives. Crossing fingers Glenn will be able to take a few weeks off work. The last couple days have been a lot better, so I'm hoping maybe we just had a rough start to the week last week. And, I sort of thought I saw reddish gums so maybe her top 2 year molars are getting ready to come in? I think that'd make me cranky too.

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Okay, that's it I suppose! Time to get off this stupid computer :)

Letting go.

If you've read Beanie's birth story you know that I had a pretty great experience. In fact, this whole pregnancy I've had a worry in the back of my mind that somehow this labor and delivery could never live up to the experience I had before. I'm trying to (and have been pretty successful at) letting go of this fear because I know it isn't doing my any good. I'm trying to envision things going even better than they did with Beanie's birth and that is doing my mind good. Let's face it, labor is unpredictable. There are many things that could happen. I can't worry about each and every one of them because it will drive me batty.

See, I wasn't really dead-set on a natural birth with Beanie. Sure, I really wanted one. I desired one even more after going through our hospital birth classes (our hospital is pretty NCB friendly and was very well-balanced in the information they provided at our class). I lurked on a natural birth message board. But, I didn't really prepare. To be honest, I wasn't knowledgable about all the interventions and this and that. I had a let's-see-how-this-goes mindset. It served me well. I labored at home for almost 10 or 11 hours and then headed in to the hospital (well, actually to my OB's because contractions still really weren't regular). I was elated to find out I was already dilated quite a bit. I had Beanie about 5 hours after I arrived at the hospital. It was a remarkable experience.

This time I am dead-set on a natural delivery, barring any unforseen circumstances of course. I have done a lot of reading (remember, I'm a dork!) and found quite a bit of support online. The natural birth message board I lurked on has become a place that I post. I am committed and I know my body can do it. But...

there are all those "what ifs."

I think the "what ifs" are compounded by the fact that I also have another child to worry about. Not only does Glenn have to get home in time (and since Beanie was posterior I do worry that a properly positioned baby might result in a faster and easier labor), but our caretaker for Beanie has to be able to get here fairly quickly. I'm not wanting to head to the hospital really early on, but I don't want to wait too long either. Luckily we live about ten minutes tops away from the hospital. I worry about Beanie sleeping while we're gone. She's doing a lot better, but she still wants Mommy to put her down every night. She still wakes up once and wants a cuddle. I'm sure she'll do fine; if all goes well I hope to be released in under 24 hours again. And we'll be really close so Glenn could always head home if needed.

I thought it might do me a world of good to just write out my worries & "what ifs" and let them go. For the most part they are out of my control anyways and we all know it does no good to worry about things you can't control anyways. I've been meaning to meditate a little and try to let go some more. I really should. It's hard to find the time for much of anything lately, but it is important for me to let go.

--What is 2.0 is breech, traverse, or posterior?

--What if there is some other emergent situation?

--What if 2.0 is properly positioned and my body doesn't like "normal" labor as much as back labor?

--What if Glenn is stuck at work and has a hard time getting home quickly?

--What is Sissy can't get here in time for Beanie?

--What if my labor progresses a lot faster than last time and I don't get to hospital in time?

--What if I hate my nurse? (lol, already decided she'll be fired!)

--What if I need a c-section?

See, do you think I'm a neurotic pregnant lady yet???

And that's just my labor and delivery "what ifs." Then there's the whole transition to a family of four, which, from everyone I've talked to, is pretty difficult. Difficult in a good-in-the-long-run way.

Anyway, I'm letting go, trying to envision my ideal birth experience and go from there. As a good friend said, "You, my dear, will be just fine."

And, holy cow!

Exactly 2 months till my due date!!

Eek. I'm really feeling the crunch.

And, whoever told me when I first got pregnant with 2.0 that at seven months pregnant I would feel like I was nine months pregnant with my first was absolutely and unequivocally correct. I am feeling it for sure. I'd tell you all about it, but I'd just be whining. But, yes, this second pregnancy has been much harder on my body than the first.

From Beanie's Mouth.

As Beanie was standing on her stepstool (just a bit over my belly height) she says, "Mommy, I want to talk to 2.0."

Then she puts her hands on my belly and says, "Hi 2.0. How you doing? Are you tired? I'm tired. You need to get out of here your belly. I love you." and kisses my belly.

Hmmm...I hope she likes him this much when he does actually gets out of here my belly...

Day Eight and Other Randomness.

Today is Day 8 of Beanie wearing undies. She had NO accidents for Daddy yesterday, so woohoo! Hoping the trend keeps up. She has been better about running to the potty when she realizes she needs to go instead of just peeing herself. Progress I tell you!

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The damn cat cost us 300 bucks the other day. Of course, they ran a bunch of tests even though the vet agreed it likely was behavioral. As Glenn pointed out, the vet doesn't get paid if it's behavioral. She gave us some tips like making sure he eats right before we go to bed and trying to give him some attention right before bed. Glenn pointed out that the fact that I get up like every hour to pee and that Beanie sometimes still wakes up a few times at night (gosh, the other night was rough!!) makes Sammycat think we are ignoring him in the middle of the night. Glenn noticeably left out the fact that five days a week he gets up at 2am and the cat wants love (and the baby kicks the crap out of me) for about two hours straight afterwards. As I told Glenn, if it's the case that he wants love because we are up at night (and right now it's a quick stumble to the bathroom to pee) it's only going to get worse when we have a newborn who, if he's anything like his sister, is going to want to nurse all night long.

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Beanie is transitioning very well to independent sleep. Most nights she will sleep all night on her own now. Like last night she slept from 8:30 to 6:00. Some nights she wakes once for a quick cuddle, but, other than that, mostly sleeps on her own. I usually lie down with her for an hour or so in the mornings just so I can squeak out a little more sleep.

Night before last was horrible though. She was having bad dreams and up numerous times. And, of course, it was the night before I had to work. Somehow she seems to have bad nights a lot on Saturdays (or at least it seems like it). Imagine my chagrin when I get home from work and, while eating dinner, Glenn points out that she had a rough night and good thing it wasn't a work night for him. Um, hello?!?!?!? It was for me damnit!! He pointed out that I don't have to work till the morning, somehow missing the fact that I was up every hour and am almost eight months pregnant and need my dang sleep. lol.

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I'm an Auntie again today! 2.0 is going to be surrounded by cousins. He'll have a cousin just a little over a year older than him, a second cousin just a little less than a year older than him, a cousin about three months older and a cousin about two months older. Bring on the family reunions!! (Not really, those sort of stress me out)

I think that's about it for this lovely morning. Happy Monday!!