On Hold

I had a copy of Raising Your Spirited Child on hold at the library. I didn't pick it up in time, so I guess I'll have to put a hold on it again.

Darn. I really have a feeling it could come in handy.

I mean REALLY.

Especially these last few days.

Menu Plan Monday: 06/06

This week is save money and go through the freezer week. We're trying to stick to $125/week for groceries (including Costco). I'm sure this sounds outrageous to my couponing friends, but between my special diet, trying to eat organic when we can, and Costco (which I'm really trying to figure out if it's worth it for us; we've cut down to only absolute staples there and we try to find them on sale elsewhere beforehand. It's nice to know we can get some ground turkey at a reasonable price if our freezer stock is gone though) $125 adds up fast.

I've also tried to really cut back on the food items I buy. Like coconut milk coffee creamer is A MUST. Cannot live without. But gluten-free, dairy-free, soy-free waffles? More like a once in awhile thing. It's hard because I still go through phases where I feel like there's nothing in the house I can eat, but I try to make sure I have an adequate supply. Like today I got two Lara Bars and two Amande yogurts (almond milk yogurts which are pretty good; I wasn't a fan of the coconut milk yogurt I tried so we checked this one out. Tasty, but little nutritional value; I think I'm just in a missing dairy phase...). Also trying to stock up on fresh fruits & vegetables and nuts for my evening snacks. I guess I'm just mostly trying to eat foods that are naturally free of gluten, dairy and soy.

Enough rambling. Here's our menu.

All menus are gluten-free, dairy-free and soy-free, or easily adapted to be.

Sunday: Turkey Tostadas
Monday: BBQ Chicken with homemade potato salad and fresh veggies
Tuesday: Vegetarian Stuffed Peppers (we're winging this -- some sort of concoction with lentils, rice, veggies, etc)
Wednesday: Breakfast for Dinner
Thursday: BBQ Pork, polenta and green salad
Friday: Leftovers
Saturday: ??? We'll have to grocery shop again on Friday so....

Sunday Surf: Late Edition

I haven't really been reading a lot lately. Well, except for links I see on Facebook. I'm trying to get back in to reading the blogs I enjoy, but here are some of the best things I read last week:

• I was sad to read  in Bringing Nature Play Back that the average child spends only a 1/2hour per week engaged in unstructured outdoor play. I really like the idea of a dedicated digging pit. One of my favorite memories is playing for hours with my sister digging and playing in the dirt. I'm sort of sad we don't have a dirt area for the kids to dig in; they can help with the garden (once we finally get it going), but I think we'll save some garden boxes or get containers that are their own little spaces, too.
• There's a Summer Reading Challenge over at No Time for Flash Cards.
• Enter to win an Ergo baby carrier over at Job Description: Mommy. Or don't, giving me a better chance to win (just kidding!)
• A good reminder to take a break from technology and Be in the Moment. 
• A good overview of carseat types and information over at The Stir.
• Amanda at Let's Take the Metro reminds us that by believing that we are enough we teach our children that they are too in I am Enough.

I haven't linked up (maybe I will when I get regular with posting these), but you can check out more Sunday Surfing over at Authentic Parenting.

Just what I needed

Quite awhile back I'd scheduled a mom's afternoon out for today. Just a quick trip to a local coffee shop. I always feel like I can be a better parent when I take the time to refresh and rejuvenate. I've been involved in other mom's groups that do a lot of mom's night outs, but those never really work for me (since, you know, my kiddos fall asleep by nursing). I'm glad there's a pretty good response in our AP group for afternoon mom's only events; babes in arms are always welcome and, in fact, even those that don't always like to stay in arms are welcome, too.

As today started I found myself wishing everyone would just cancel and I didn't have to go. I get in moods like that sometimes. Bubby has been very cranky lately (molars, a bit of a cold last week and the soy reintroduction turned out to be the triple threat) and only mom will do. Beanie has been having an especially rough time; it finally clicked that it's probably quite taxing on her to have an upset little brother screaming and hollering all the time, too. As I was getting ready to leave, both kids were sprawled out on the hallway carpet, not happy campers. Glenn got them up and took them in to the back yard and I finished getting ready. I said my goodbyes and made my way to the coffee shop.

It was just what I needed. Many times when I start feeling like our day is spiraling out of control I feel like just hunkering down and staying in. I forgot how much a change of scenery can help, not only for the kids, but for me too.

I sat outside in the sunshine (it's absolutely gorgeous here this weekend!), tried hemp milk for the first time (it was good, but I think I prefer rice milk lattes), and made a new friend. The other mom I met is also gluten-free, dairy-free and soy-free (imagine that!) so we had lots to talk about. Her daughter is just a week older than Beanie and they attend a local UU (Unitarian Universalist) congregation (do you call UU establishments "churches," I don't know. Not something we're interested in right now, but I've definitely thought of it.)


My sister came over later and we played outside with the kids, BBQ'd, and roasted marshmallows. It was a good day.

Sometimes when I just want to hunker down and hide from the world I really just need to get out and confront the day head on. Easier said than done.

Zucchini Bread

Zucchini Bread

I'd been wanting to make zucchini bread for quite a long while and we finally got around to it. I've been pretty pleased with how all my breads have been turning out, so yay! I used a tiny bit of xanthan gum, but I think I probably could have left it out since there was so much moisture in the recipe anyway.

If we ever get around to planning and planting our garden, I'd love to grow some zucchini and yellow squash. The weather this weekend is forecasted to be spectacular, so maybe we'll get around to weeding and digging out some of the old owners' stuff in the next few days. We need to do the digging quickly as some plants are popping up that are really encroaching on our blueberries.

Zucchini Bread

Ingredients:

4c coarsely shredded zucchini
3c gluten-free flour (I use Bob's Red Mill GF All Purpose Baking Flour)
2c sugar
1c canola oil
4 eggs (beaten)
1Tbsp + 1tsp pure vanilla extract
2 tsp cinnamon
1 1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp ground cloves
1 1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp xanthan gum
1/2tsp gf baking powder

Directions:

1. Generously grease two bread pans. (I use Spectrum palm shortening)
2. Beat all ingredients at low speed, scraping bowl constantly.
3. Pour in to pans and bake at 325 degrees for 50-60minutes (or until toothpick comes out clean).
4. Cool ten minutes, then remove from pans.

Enjoy!

"He's Really Attached to You..."

As I stated earlier, my inlaws moved back recently. After a hello and a kiss (oh, I am so not the huggy and kissy type), my mother-in-law said to me, "We heard [Bubby] is still really attached to you, so I guess we won't be getting any hugs."

I was pissed.

I don't know why, other than the obvious negative connotation she implied. It was an accurate statement. Bubby is really attached to me. The likelihood that he would give a near stranger (sorry grandma, but you haven't seen him since he was 2months old which makes you pretty much a stranger) an instantaneous hug was slim to none. As I relayed this story to my therapist she asked me what I could have said in response. I replied that I could have said, "Yes, he is. We don't see him being  attached to his mother as a problem."

Ooh, I wish I would have thought of that one on the spot!

Children who are securely attached grow up being trusting of others and without concerns of abandonment; they have a high degree of self-worth and feel liked. Attachment is "a secure base from which to explore close relationships."

My children know that they can count on us, as their parents, to be a safe haven and a place of comfort. They know that from that safe place they are free to explore their world and live to their fullest potential.

And, you know what, that's exactly what he did. Once he got acclimated to the situation, a new environment, new people and three little yip dogs pitter-pattering around, he was running around blowing kisses and giving away hugs.

So there.

Score: Secure attachment - 1; Nay-sayers - 0

Just Me and My Blog.

Three. Three posts in May! Eek. I have got to get out of the blog rut. I decided to sign up over at NaBloPoMo (which apparently is now National Blog Posting Each and Every Month) and commit to blogging every day in June. (We'll see how it goes!)

It's not that I don't have anything to say. I do. I've been unreasonably hard on myself about what I have to say,  my anxiety is at a level not seen since my college years, the PPD is still ever present, I have physical problems coming to a head besides my horrible neck and back pain (but, on the upside, I may actually have a diagnosis for what is going on) and it's just been a hard time for my family -- all of us.

All that complaining (or was it just explaining) to say that I'm here. And I'm going to write. I don't know what about. We've slowly been reintroducing soy. My inlaws moved back here. We're starting up Beanie's co-op preschool adventure. The weather is getting nicer. I want to start making our household cleaners. We've been talking a lot about food (real food) vs. food products. I don't know what the next month will bring, but I'm just going to carve out time to write. Time that is just for me. Where I don't have someone peering through the door jam as I pee. Or yelling at me that the sparkles on their shirt are hurting them. Or wanting to stay latched on 24/7.

Just me. And the computer. And my blog.

The theme (which I can tell you right now I won't be sticking to) for June NaBloPoMo is "Fan."

Image credit: SCA Svenska Cellulosa Aktiebolaget on Flickr

No, not that kind of fan.

The kind that cheers you on and supports you.

The kind of fan people like to have when blogging.

Sometimes it seems like it's a competition. How many followers do you have? How many page views? What do you write about? Who reads? Who comments? Do people share your posts on Facebook? Retweet your tweets?

I just want to get back to where it's just writing. Because when you're just writing, the rest falls in to place.

It's not like this blog is paying the bills, after all.

Quiet.

I'm having a hard time enjoying the peace & quiet that comes during the evenings in which Glenn and the kids are all in bed relatively early.

I should be reveling in the joy of a couple hours to myself, but instead I find myself lonely.

Sad.

Anxious.

Depressed.

I could be scrapbooking, reading, folding clothes, day-dreaming, but instead I just sit.

And stare at the mind-numbing TV (can we just cancel our cable already???).

Or the computer.

I could be blogging and saying something, but instead I feel like nothing is good enough to say.

I mean, who wants to read about this crap?

And the rapture is happening tomorrow and I didn't even get to Flying Apron beforehand.

P.S. The rapture isn't really happening tomorrow.

P.P.S. Maybe soon I'll have something nice to say.

Finding My "Me Time"

Image credit: dbphotography on Flickr

I'm struggling to figure out what I really want for my "me time."

A couple weeks ago I had the great idea to go to a local coffee shop and read a book. Their coffee is delicious and I haven't been there in a long time because they didn't have rice milk (they do, however, have hemp milk but I haven't been too keen on wanting to try that). Anyway, since we've slowly been reintroducing soy (more on that later, but we think it may be going okay, or at least that he can tolerate smaller amounts in my breastmilk) I decided to go there and enjoy some me time.

Glenn took the kids and I headed out to the coffee shop. I had my copy of Unconditional Parenting in my purse and I was looking forward to reading. First thing I pull in to the shopping center and realize it's quite busy and there's nowhere close to park. I circle around and end up getting stuck in a line of cars waiting for the garbage trucks to empty every.single.dumpster. I immediately started getting anxious, but I reminded myself that I was alone, albeit in my car stuck waiting for the damn garbage man. I turned on some music and tried to relax. Finally I was able to park and walked over to the coffee shop.

It was packed.

If there's one thing I really don't like it's crowds. They cause almost immediate anxiety for me. It definitely wasn't quiet in there. I ordered my coffee and decided to try and sit and read for a short while.

I texted a friend and joked that the next time I got out for quiet time I was going to head to the university library.

It just wasn't what I needed that day. I came home and realized that Glenn and the kids were still out. I took a long shower. I read a bit at home.

I know I really need to get out for some time to myself. It's nice to be at home when Glenn takes the kids out, but I really thrive when I can get out.

I'm just going to have to find a new spot. Like the quiet corner in the Health Sciences Library where I read journal article after journal article for many a day.

Maybe a walk by myself?

Any local friends know a quiet coffee shop?

What do you do for time to yourself? Do you find it difficult to get out and actually meet your needs?

Sticks. And Stones. And Words.

To this day my mother finds it necessary to tell me what an awful little child I was.

Horrible.


A terror.

Two thoughts come to my mind as these things come up. As I look at my lovely, spirited, sometimes challenging daughter I wonder how anyone could possibly label their child with such awful words, no matter what they were doing. I also wonder why there is any need to keep talking about this nearly thirty years later.

Perhaps it bothers my mother that I have a completely different outlook on parenting and children than she did. Perhaps to admit that I really wasn't such a horrible little demon after all would cause her to have to re-examine her role as a parent. I don't know. I know that my actions so often retold (over and over again) don't really seem that out of the ordinary to me. I dumped all the diapers out of the pail and all over the floor? I'm sure many a child has done that. Was jealous of my little sister, unsure of my new-found role in the family and acted out for love and attention? Check, check and check.

For over thirty years I have accepted the "fact" that I must've been a really difficult child. Becoming a mother (and growing personally in my role as one) (and therapy) has made me realize that there really wasn't anything wrong with the way I acted as a child. I was normal. I wasn't a bad three year-old, nor was I a terror to be around. I was a kid. A kid who did kid things and expressed myself the only way I knew how.

Perhaps these realizations are what makes me really ache when Beanie is having a rough time. I view what she's experiencing through the eyes of three-year old me. But it's not the same for her. She's free to be whomever she wants to be, her parents love and support her no matter what she does and we enjoy the good times and take the more difficult ones as opportunities to grow.