Friday, August 1, 2008

Another post on cosleeping

The other night hubby, who was on his night off and quite sleepy, was yelling that "she is 13 months old and won't even sleep in her goddamn room." Then he stomped off and went to bed while I was rocking Beanie back to sleep. I almost cried & couldn't sleep for nearly an hour because his words cut me like a knife. Not that they are inaccurate, but it was his tone of voice. Well, in fact, they are inaccurate...she will sleep in her room, with me.

I sat there thinking about how I have only done my best and what I think is right with Beanie. I have tried my hardest to be a good mom, and that includes cosleeping. I think part of the problem stems from the fact that in our pre-baby days we discussed cosleeping as something we did not want to do. Then, there I was, a new mom alone with Beanie every night. One night I brought her to bed with me to nurse and we fell asleep together. Wala! Both of us could get a lot more sleep this way. I asked hubby if he minded, since it was something we had discussed not doing before, and he said "no." It wasn't something I intended to do, or planned on being as long lasting, but Beanie and I both sleep better together. And, 5 (usually 6) nights of the week Hubby has to get up in the middle of the night for work so its not like we're really sleeping together (just sleeping, lol) anyways.

Somehow when I brought Beanie home and watched her sleep that first night something changed. It was magical. Granted, those first few nights there wasn't much sleeping going on for anyone, but you know. It clicked, I was here to take care of this little person and make sure they were safe and happy. If cosleeping makes her feel safe and happy (and me too) then that is what works for us right now. I don't feel safe putting her in her bedroom by herself at night, as it is not very close to the master bedroom. She still wakes to nurse a couple times a night and it is easier to be in the room with her. I sleep better. She sleeps better. And, save us independently minded American folks, I think it is pretty common worldwide.

When hubby criticizes or gets mad about the sleeping arrangements, I automatically get defensive. Defensive because not once in over 13 months has he put her down for bed. Granted, he works six nights a week but there is still that one night there. When he says "I've got one night a week where I can sleep in..." it immediately causes me to put my guard up. I never get to sleep in. I wake when Beanie wakes. He gets frustrated because she gets cranky when he is with her when she's tired. Well, good reason, its because she is used to, and only knows, me putting her to bed, not him. There is only one way to rectify that situation in my mind...hubby puts her to bed more often. She doesn't always nurse to sleep and can definitely go to sleep without actually suckling to sleep. It would be possible, albeit a little difficult perhaps, for him to put her to sleep. It wouldn't be the end of the world.

All said, he is my husband and we need to be a team. If he really honestly wants her in her own bed now, then I will take steps towards that goal. I think his main reason for wanting her in her own bed is that he thinks she will sleep with us forever which I just don't think is the case. But, for the sake of everyone's happiness, I guess I need to take baby steps with the Beans to have her be an independent sleeper.

1 comment:

  1. I just stumbled upon your Blog while I was posting on I just wanted to leave you a post of encouragement. Co sleeping is something that I have practiced on and off with all of my children and DH has been supportive (mostly). I hope that you can work out a situation in your family that works for all of you. As a side note I co slept with William for 2+ years and he now sleeps by himself in his room all night and has never shed a tear about it. He is 6. I can happen and it will happen at the right time your you and your baby.


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