Sometimes I just feel like I'm waiting. Waiting for something. Waiting for many things.
Sometimes I feel stuck. In limbo.
Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning. Or like a time bomb about to explode.
Sometimes I feel like I'm ninety, not thirty-one. I can barely walk. I'm in so much pain. My head is pounding. I feel like I'm going to vomit.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm a big fat failure at this parenting thing.
Sometimes I want to get out for some time to myself, but I just don't know where. I don't want to talk to anyone. Not even long enough to order a coffee.
Sometimes I look at my daughter, her hair glistening in the sun and smile wide across her face, and wonder how I got so lucky.
Sometimes I look down at my son as he smiles at me while he's nursing and know I wouldn't trade anything for being where I am.
Sometimes I look in to my husband's eyes and know that I couldn't have a better partner in all of this.
Fortunately the good sometimes are starting to outweigh the bad ones.
I understand that feeling - wanting to get out but needing to be by yourself. My husband goes to coffee shops for down time, but there are too many people there for me.
ReplyDeleteI'm spending a lot of time trying to cherish those good moments - to look for them, even. I'm not there yet, but it will come.
So glad you are seeing a light at the end of the tunnel!!!
ReplyDeleteWow! I feel like you pulled that right out of my head! It was like seeing my own thoughts and feeling written out but by another person. That was very powerful.
ReplyDeleteI hear you!
ReplyDeletei just stumbled upon you...first time. i sooooo relate to these feelings. i have a 2 and a 4 yr old and sometimes i just want to get away but i dont want to leave but i cant shake the crankiness...and other days i am so in love...
ReplyDeleteThanks for putting into words what so many of us just don't say.
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