Thursday, January 7, 2010

A baby shower for Numero Dos??

Or three or four or five. You get the idea.

Since so many of my readers had such good opinions on carpooling with children, I want to know your opinions on this one as well.

Is it tacky to have a baby shower for a second (or other subsequent) child?

I know of people who register for anything and everything new even though the older child is barely two. I know of others who wouldn't dream of having a shower even though their children are five or six years apart and of the opposite sex. So, what is your take on it?

I have mixed feelings. I really do think it's a tad (or maybe a lot more than a tad) tacky to register for all new stuff, especially if your children are relatively close in age. I mean, Beanie will not even be 3 when 2.0 is born and most everything we can and will re-use. Except for the clothes. We will need clothes for 2.0 for sure. I don't really expect anyone to buy us anything. I figure the ones who want to will buy us a gift regardless of whether we have a shower or not. As for all the other stuff, we aren't really too into strong gender roles or all the princess-y shit and, even if we were, I wouldn't expect people to buy me a blue changing pad cover because I didn't want to change 2.0 on a purple one. Hear me out, 2.0 will have his butt wiped on a purple changing pad. And probably on a pink one too.

After finding out we were having a boy, friends commented that now we would need a shower to get all the boy stuff. Family has offered to throw one. If anything, I think a small shower (a la "sprinkle" or diaper shower) might be fun. I don't really have any of the same friends that I had before and most all the family is out of town now so hardly anyone would be a duplicate guest. That said, I still don't expect people to buy stuff for us. I like the idea of a BBQ or "drop in and meet 2.0" a month or two after he is born. The weather would be nice and we could show off our new (okay, new-ish by then) house to those who haven't seen it. And people could be outside. Big bonus. And people could bring a gift if they wanted, but maybe not feel as obligated as if I had a sprinkle or diaper shower.

I don't really know. Just sorting it all out in my head so bring on the opinions!!

And, did you even know they made wee wee teepees?


  1. I was unsure what to do about this as well. We found out the gender with Eli, so we knew we'd need a whole new wardrobe - besides a few unisex sleepers we had because Ella was a 'surprise'. In the end, we didn't have anything at all, because I would have felt tacky throwing myself something before, and no one offered to do one for me! LOL. I considered a 'meet the baby' party after he was born, but I just wasn't organized enough to pull it together, and again, I had no one really offer to help me with that sort of thing.

    That being said, we really didn't lack for much. We got gifts from our parents and grandparents for Eli, and people at church gave me things too. Other than that - we reused all the 'big stuff' from Ella, and bought the things we really still needed.

    I think a 'sprinkle' is totally appropriate, even if it's just a diaper sprinkle! Every kid needs diapers. Or a 'meet the baby' get together is a great idea too. I'm sure you're much more organized than I am!

  2. Personally, I'll probably do SOMETHING just because we have a ton of family on both sides and we all like to get together and eat and visit. As far as gifts, I won't be asking for anything either way (I've thought about this obviously, despite the fact that we're not even trying yet!). I have saved every thing of Scotty's that he hasn't destroyed, I'm fine with dressing a girl in some boy clothes if necessary. I think a HUGE baby shower for #2 is a little tacky when you register for everything just because the gender is different, so I agree with you there. BUT...if you have someone that really wants to throw something, or you want to do a "meet-the-baby" BBQ or something, I think that's fun because you get to visit after baby is here and everyone can meet him. Plus, it's one less thing to worry about towards the end of the pregnancy...and you can schedule everyone to meet him at the same time. We had a few weeks of visitors after Scotty arrived, so next time I'm taking my SIL's advice and picking one weekend to do an open-house type thing.

    I rambled, sorry. To sum it up, a full blown shower like #1 is, in my opinion, a bit tacky. A "sprinkle" to use your term, fun and not tacky. Open house type thing after you're settled, my favorite of all three :)

  3. It's obviously totally up to you, I'll throw you a shower or I can help out with a BBQ. It might be nice to do a meet 2.0 thing so you can get it out of the way in one swoop. Then you don't have to worry about when 20 different people are going to make it to see him because you know if you don't set a time they will come on 20 different days. That's what my friend Jauna did when her Caden (her third) was born.

    BTW, did you google wee wee teepee after I told you about them? LOL!

  4. Honestly, my opinion is unpopular, but here it is. I don't like showers for any babies after the first. I just don't. I think, for me, showers are a celebration of the transition into motherhood, and if you've already had a baby, you've already done that, you know?

    People will still give presents - I give presents for every baby. And there's nothing saying you can't have a party or get-together that doesn't require presents like a shower does.

    I wouldn't say anything to anyone who did it but I probably would not attend a shower for a subsequent baby (never been invited to one) and I wouldn't register after the first one either.

  5. My mother always drilled into my head that you don't have a shower after the first baby - Something she read in Miss Manners or some other ancient etiquette book, I guess. But even though I think a lot of etiquette rules have changed over the years, I still kind of agree with this one on principle. With the first baby, there is SO MUCH you need, but after that, you should have a lot of the basics. Well, unless you gave it all away like I did, planning to only have one child. If by some freak of medicine (i.e., DH's surgery didn't actually take) I were to get pregnant again, I'd be really screwed because we'd have to start all over again! (and, in fact, my SIL counseled against me giving everything away for precisely this reason, swearing I was going to jinx myself) And I know that if a friend of mine is having a baby, I'm going to buy a gift, because that's just me. Doesn't matter if it's baby #1 or baby #10 (well, OK, there might be an upper limit, but I'm not sure what that is). And if it's something other than baby #1, I'm most likely going to buy a cute outfit, as opposed to something more practical - again, that's just me. That said, I would not be offended about being invited to a mini-shower or a meet & greet - just doing expect me to buy a double stroller or something. :-)

  6. A, yea, I TOTALLY wouldn't register for anything expecting people to shop off it. However, someone did tell me if you register at BRU then *after* you have the baby you get 10% off everything you buy that's on the registery. IF that's true then I would set up a registery for the few things that I think Hubby and I will probably buy after we have the baby, just to get 10% off.

    Kristin, I totally agree on the cute outfit over something practical for 2+. For first babies, I am ALL about practical gifts -- diapers & wipes and BFing supplies if you're planning on BFing -- lanolin, breast pads (dude, why can't I think of what exactly they're called right now), links for helpful websites and recipes for oatmeal cookies, etc etc. For #2, I'll probably just get you some clothes -- especially if it's the opposite sex.

  7. I have to say that having a shower as big for #2, 3 or 4 as you did for #1 would be tacky in my opinion. However, I don't see having a smaller shower as being a problem. And I agree about registering for all new stuff for #2. (Especially stuff that's more age appropriate for other children...) Plus, we're all going to buy you stuff anyway, so we might as well have fun watching you open it!

  8. Hmm....
    In my opinion (for what that's worth! :)
    I think if family is offering, it's not an idle suggestion, they've also thought of the pros and cons of second showers, and want to do something for you, even if it's against "main stream". I think registering for clothes and diapers, and wee-wee-tipis or whatever would be just fine! I personally love when 2nd, third, or whatever time moms still do a registry, because I always buy baby gifts for friends, if I get to pick it off a list that the mother herself made, then BONUS!
    This is an economy where extreme gifts can't be bought, instead we show love by our actions and intentions, so those willing to hostess your shower are trying to celebrate with you in a very serving way. Those who love you and want to celebrate your second baby will show up, with gifts of their own. Those who feel that second showers are "too tacky" can just stay home!
    I'm sure you have plenty of books for your older child, but I know things like diaper showers and book showers are popular too. I think each baby should be celebrated and any excuse to get together with friends and eat cake is perfectly fine with me!! :)

  9. I think that you having a second shower is fine. It sounds like if you had one it'd be smaller, which is perfectly acceptable. I know for #2, many people gave us gifts anyways, even though they were both boys. Part of it is a celebration of the baby, not just becoming a mother. But, also, you will now be a mother of two. So I don't think it would be tacky to register, especially for something like a double stroller, or other things you would have liked to have for the first but never did. No one is forcing anyone to buy off it, they're just suggestions.


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