"Crunchy" defined.

Last night as we were sitting and eating dinner (eggs benedict...yum!) we were talking about the H1N1 vaccine. I was talking about how, if I'm ok with getting the regular flu shot (for the first time ever I might add!) that why not be okay with the H1N1 vaccine. From what I've learned recently, its the same process and ingredients as the regular flu vaccine (someone correct me if I'm wrong) just with the swine flu strain added in. A friend had said something yesterday saying that her pediatrician had told her that if the swine flu "threat" (I use that term loosely) had been realized before the regular flu vaccine was formulate this year that the swine flu strain would've just been thrown into the regular vaccine. So, if after a lot of thought I am seriously considering getting the flu vaccine what do I have against the H1N1 vaccine? I'll be the first to admit I haven't done a ton of my own research on it and am probably influenced by cries on my mommy boards that it hasn't been tested, who knows what effects it may have on pregnant women and developing fetuses, etc etc. Hell, I confess to saying those exact things myself. But, if the H1N1 vaccine is a regular old flu vaccine just with the H1N1 strain in it, then what kind of hypocrite am I if I get the flu vaccine and yell from the rooftops how I would never get the other. If they're the same.

Anyways, as we were talking about all this I referred to my friend's pediatrician as "crunchy." Glenn looked at me and said "I don't even know what that means. You realize you're speaking a different language right and its not just because you have a vagina?" I was trying to explain that if you breastfed past a year or coslept or cloth diapered, etc others would probably label you as "crunchy." He was just laughing and so I shut up about it. We ate some more and then he asked me to explain some more.

So, I started off by asking if he had heard of "granola" in reference to hippies. I imagine that's where the term "crunchy" comes from although, really, I have no idea. I explained that a lot of things I/we do are probably considered crunchy. He said, "So if you breastfeed you're crunchy?" No, but breastfeeding until age 2 (or beyond) is pretty crunchy I guess. Homemade babyfood -- check. Cosleeping -- check. Natural birth -- check. Of course there are many things I do that aren't so crunchy too.

I told him more...cloth diapering, home birthing, baby wearing. Then he made me quiz him. I'm totally serious here. He wanted me to name off things and he would say "crunchy" or "not crunchy."

Ah, it was one of the best dinner conversations in a long time. Do I really speak Mama-ese?

It was funny. I saw him updating his facebook status and knew it was going to be about our crunchy conversation. I shouldn't have said anything because he ended up not posting it. I would've loved to hear his take on our dinner conversation.

I can't be the only one...

...whose daughter eats her peanut butter & jelly like this. Can I?

***Seriously Blogger, why oh why do you rotate my images??? I hate you.***

Up.

Well, when your mood is down it can't really go anywhere but up, right? At least eventually. I'm trying to be optimistic here.

Glenn and I talked today. I feel better about things. He talked to his new district manager and things just may work out better than we thought for his new route. For one, his name isn't on the route (some technical business for bread dudes) so when one opens up closer to home he can apply for it right away. Also, the pay may be a little better than initially thought. See, things are looking up already!

And, the house. I'm sure I sound like a whiney ungrateful bitch, but, you know what, this is my blog so I can whine and be as ungrateful as I want. I don't know why its been getting to me so much lately. Maybe because I just can't (right now) see us growing as a family here. It already feels too small. Sure, its about 500 square feet bigger than the condo was, but living in here day in and day out it seems much smaller. I have so many big ideas for updating and remodeling this place. I forget that we lived in the condo for almost ten years before doing any sort of updating. But, as Glenn reminded me, there are things I like about the house. Like that I like right now. I need to remember those instead of constantly focusing on all the areas that can be improved. I love the yard. I love our dining room. The master bedroom is pretty sweet, especially with the new furniture we got (for a killer deal I might add). Someday (hopefully) we can do all the remodeling we envision but, for now, this is it. I might as well focus on trying to be happy about it instead of crying about it. We decided we'll save our change and set it aside for smaller house projects. Like finishing the paint. Also, since Costco is so cool and has a coupon right now for their laminate flooring we are going to rip out the god-awful purple shag carpet in Baby 2.0 and Beanie's rooms. Maybe the master too. Definitely the kids rooms though.

So, anyways I thought I'd update tonight since we did get some good news about Glenn's job today that makes me think things will be a little easier. Still planning on budgeting like a mad woman though. Things are looking up!

If Money Grew on Trees....

...things would be a hell of a lot easier. *sigh*

Well, the (sort of) good news is that Glenn finally got an offer for a permanent route after all the layoffs & temp work we've dealt with this year. I encouraged him to take it. We need to know what is in our future with a kiddo on the way and knowing he has a job is BIG. The (sort of) bad news is that its not at the depot he was hoping to be at & he'll have to drive a lot farther to work, he'll be working longer hours and he'll be making less money. The less money thing we knew about because he is pretty much on an awesome route right now working with someone who is on light duty. We knew any permanent route he had wouldn't make what he was making now (they're base plus commission), but the route he's taking is a lot less than we were hoping he could get. I know he's not happy about all this. I feel like he blames me for encouraging him to take it (even before we knew all the details). I just didn't want to be sitting around ready to pop a kid out and wondering if he was going to have a job, where he was going to be working, how much he'd be making etc etc. We need to know those things and be able to plan beforehand. I do think, even with all the negatives about the route he was offered, that it is a good decision in the long run and the best for our family.

But....

I guess I probably won't be quitting my one-day-a-week gig at the grocery store anytime soon. Well, at least not before March or April. I had been hoping for a quit date more like December. We'll likely need that income as long as we can now.

I'm really going to start budgeting and watching our money. I've talked about it before, but now its a necessity. Last week I grocery shopped on Monday and had all our dinners planned out. That's my new plan. Monday = grocery shopping. We had very recently cut down to dining out only 4 times a month (I say only when for other people that is probably a TON!!). We'll try to cut down farther. I need to start making Glenn lunches again. No frivolous spending. I know we can do it, its all in our mindset.

So, yea, I went from over the moon happy that Glenn had a permanent route (even if it wasn't exaxctly what he wanted) to being a little worried about how everything is going to pan out. Add in my crazy pregnancy hormones, the fact that I freaking hate this house & its really getting to me right now for some reason, and a just general blah feeling about life and things are pretty rough.

What is it with little girls and princesses?

The other morning Beanie was waking up and she said, "I'm a princess." I said "What did you say???" and she repeated "I'm a princess. I'm Princess Pea."

See we don't really fully embrace (or embrace at all) the princessy stuff. On the other hand, we pretty much try to avoid it. But Beanie, who's seen Super Why on PBS like twice (maybe three times) decided that she's a princess.

Good lord. What is it with little girls and princesses? Are they just naturally drawn to their cute dresses & tiaras?

Day One of Turn Off Week.

So, yea, I didn't realize TV Turn Off Week was during the week of premieres until a few of my loyal readers told me. Man, they are kinda ballsy, eh?

Today went marginally well. Beanie watched a little TV this morning while I checked my email and made breakfast. Then we headed out to the grocery store. When we came back she watched a little more TV and then we went outside and played. Lunchtime and nap. Then out to meet a friend of mine for coffee and some more outside playtime. Back home and a little TV and some time in the playroom while I made dinner. Then, after dinner it sort of tanked. See, I was exhausted and suffering from a horrible headache (gosh when will this thing go away??!?!). So she watched a little more TV after dinner, then we read some books, and then it was back to TV. An integral part of Beanie's night-night routine is The Good Night Show on PBS Sprout. Seriously, like that show has magical powers. As soon as Caillou is over with Beanie runs down the hall and jumps into bed. I about died (figuratively of course) when we were on vacation and there was no PBS Sprout. So, that screen time I'm just not willing to give up.

All in all, we probably watched about 3-4 hours of TV today which I'm sad (and a little -- okay a lot -- embarassed) to admit is probably a drastic reduction from normal. Seriously, I don't know why but we have the damn boob tube on all. day. long. So, I do feel like we're making progress.

And mommy cut down her online time too, although probably not nearly as much as I should....

Screen Time Turn-off Week.

So, I've posted that I'm trying to get over my mommy guilt of Beanie watching so much TV. I am getting over it, but, truth of the matter is, I'd still like for us to cut back. I imagine it'll be harder as we enter the rainy season, but I'm going to really try to make a concerted effort. I'm starting to feel better (well, except for today) so I'm hoping we can get out and about and do more activities.

Next week is Screen Time Turn-off Week. You can get more info here. Beanie and I are really going to be working on cutting back our TV time and I invite you to join us. Let me know how it goes in a comment too! And, um, I guess since its "screen time" that also includes computers??? Damn.

12 weeks in.

A few weeks back a friend (who's also pregnant) said something that stuck with me. We were talking about morning sickness and feeling bad about just wishing Beanie would sit still and watch TV all day some days. She's about 10 weeks farther along than me so (lucky for her) she's past the whole I-feel-like-I-could-puke-and-die-at-any-minute stage. Her daughter is just a few months older than Beanie. She said "I was right there where you are, feeling horrible. But now I figure I only have 20 weeks left with just Kourtney and I." They have been doing lots of activities and etc. And then it sunk in, I only had about 30 weeks (now 28) of time with just Beanie. Don't get me wrong, there will be a ton of new adventures to come but I do want to make the most of this time being a mother of one. Its important for both of us. Let's face it, Beanie is pretty solidly attached to Mama. I still lay down with her while she falls asleep and (usually) end up sleeping at least part of the night in her bed. I'm hoping the next 28 weeks can be a time that we can keep our relationship solid, but also work towards a little more independence on her part.

******

We had our 12 week appt and ultrasound yesterday. Everything was looking good. The doc encouraged me to get the flu shot, but I declined. I think I probably will end up getting the regular old flu shot, but I'm sure I'll be marked AMA (against medical advice) when I decline the swine flu one later. I'd post the u/s pic (I did on Beanie's blog) but Blogger keeps rotating it so its looks all weird. *sigh*

Baby was sleeping at the start of the u/s both woke up with a little prodding from the tech. (S)he wasn't too happy about that and starting stretching out and kicking around. Poor baby was probably like "um, hello?!?!? I'm sleeping here!!"

I felt bad for Glenn, who was trying to watch the ultrasound while holding a squirmy Beanie on his lap. She was overly concerned if I was okay, which I kept reassuring her I was. Ah, on to the quest to find someone to watch her for our big ultrasound which we scheduled for Nov 11!! Hoping for a baby who's not shy...haha!

Vacation!

Ah we just got back from a nice trip to the coast. I'm not much for posting pics on this blog, but here are a few from our trip.

I have about a million-and-two things running through my head right now and hopefully I'll get a chance to blog about some of them soon. I was very proud of my (slightly) computer addicted self for staying offline the whole time we were gone at the ocean. Quite a feat for me! Although I probably more than made up for it today!

We have a lot going on this week -- playdates and doctor appointments up the gazoo. Should be fun!

Maternity Pants.

So, yea, here I am 10 weeks along and I already busted open the tub of maternity clothes from when I was pregnant with Beanie. Mostly for the pants. God, nothing I have fits right now!

I washed all the pants today just to see what would fit and be comfortable. With Beanie I pretty much lived in these two pairs of cargo pants. I'm wearing one of the pairs right now.

This pair of pants I wore to the hospital to have Beanie. Well, um, apparently my thighs are a lot, er, fatter than they were before because these pants are pretty damn tight in the legs. Sigh. I was hoping to live in them again, but looks like I'll be on the hunt for some new comfy maternity pants. Or, if I'm really lucky, Old Navy will still have the pants and I can just buy a medium.

So, yea, I knew I wasn't in the same shape as I was before. I mean, I was in really good shape when I got pregnant with Beanie. We were just a few months past training like mad people at kung fu. I was working full time and on my feet 40+ hours a week. So, I already have a little catching up to do if you know what I mean. But nothing lets you know that quite like pulling on a pair of pants that you wore when you were 38 weeks pregnant and thinking they already feel tight.

On the upside, this means shopping!!!

Date Night.

Its not too often that Glenn and I get out for date nights. We've made a deal that we really need to try to at least once a month because, lets face it, in about seven months its going to be a lot harder.

Its when I'm really wishing for a dinner that doesn't include making sure Beanie doesn't escape out of the booth or make a huge mess with her food that I (sort of) wish the grandparents lived close by. See there really isn't any other time I feel this way because, for the most part, my parents and inlaws drive me batty. But the whole built-in-babysitter thing is sort of lacking in my life. My sister is close by. And crazy busy. Same with Glenn's brother and girlfriend. We haven't really made any friends who are close by that we could swap date nights with. So date nights for Glenn and I are few and far between.

Monday is our anniversary so tonight we are going out to dinner. I'm excited. And a bit nervous. See, last time we went out Beanie cried to the point of almost making herself throw up. Yea, real fun for my sister I'm sure. The only thing that "saved her" was sidewalk chalk and today its pouring down rain. We did buy the hugest bag ever of blocks at Costco the other day and hid them until Auntie comes over today. I know Beanie will be fine. And she can get over it if she makes herself throw up. But I feel bad for my sister. And it sort of makes for an uneasy dinner.

But we'll keep trying. Hopefully once a month. That gives up six more dates before Baby 2.0 arrives. And Beanie six more chances (at least) to have some fun without Mommy and Daddy.

Mommy's Booboo.

So I have this zit. On my forehead. Like smack dab in the middle of my forehead like a bullseye. It doesn't help that I'm growing my bangs out and they're in that too-long-to-wear-down-but-too-short-to-look-normal stage so I have to clip them back with barettes. Why did I decide to get bangs again?

Anyway, back to the zit. Today I was an uber emotional mess. Plus I felt like I was going to barf my brains out all day long. So I was laying on the bed, crying, and Glenn was trying to comfort me. Beanie gets all upset and tears off into her room in tears (seriously, I have no idea why she does that...she'll especially do it if Glenn and I are hugging...she cries and runs and jumps on her bed). Anyways, poor Glenn dealing with an over emotional pregnant woman and a cooky toddler. But then she comes back in the room and she says "Mommy booboo? I kiss it." And she comes up to kiss my forehead.

Poor Mommy has a booboo on her forehead. Only its not a booboo, its just a zit.

Beanie's Birth Story

On Tuesday June 26, Glenn & I went to the store to get some stuff for dinner & say hi to my coworkers. We BBQ’d some Kalbi chicken, ate, & Glenn headed out to look at some big screen TVs that we had been wanting to get. He called from Circuit City & was looking at one to buy; basically playing good cop-bad cop trying to get a deal by telling the salesman that his wife didn’t want to spend so much money. As we were talking on the phone he asked if I was okay because I didn’t sound very good. I replied that I was “feeling funny.”

I started having contractions, but at first just thought it was weird stomach pain. After awhile, I felt them not only in my abdomen but they radiated all throughout my back. Between 9:30 and 9:45 that night I started timing my contractions. They were about 9-10 minutes apart and I was able to relax or doze off in between them. At 10pm I switched the channel to start watching the news, but quickly realized I was falling asleep and ended up turning off the TV. The contractions kept up until about 1am & were about 7 minutes apart at this time. When I got up to go to the bathroom. There was a lot of blood so I woke up Glenn and decided it was time to call the Maternity Center. They said it sounded like it might be labor, but to wait to come in since the contractions were still so far apart. I expressed concern that I hadn’t been feeling Beanie move as much so they instructed me to drink some water and juice and do a fetal kick count. I was supposed to call back if she didn’t move like she should. I laid down and drank 2 small glasses of cranberry juice and Beanie was moving around just fine.

After doing the kick count, the contractions kept up at about 6 or 7 minutes apart but then slowed to 10-12 minutes apart, and then around 20 minutes apart. Somehow I was able to fall asleep between 2 and 4am. I woke up at 4 and the contractions were still going. I woke up Glenn and we laid in bed for awhile.

At 6am, I called the Maternity Center again. My contractions were still about 6-7 minutes apart on average, but weren’t even really regular. I told the labor nurse I didn’t know if I should come in now or wait. She encouraged me to wait it out at home as long as I could because I would be much more comfortable. She said most first time moms coming in having contractions ever 3-4 minutes were only about 3cm dilated. I said “I just don’t know” and she replied that when I couldn’t take it at home anymore I would know. She said they would leave my file out and just to call and tell them when I was heading in.

We turned on the news and Glenn fried up some eggs and made me toast and sausage. We started getting our things ready & I took a shower. I later learned that Glenn said he remembered from class that I needed to eat. How sweet!

My contractions got stronger after I got out of the shower. They were hurting very bad in my back. I laid on the bed but my contractions, although stonger, never really got regular. Sometimes there would be one after only 3 minutes, then 6, then 9. They were all over the place. Finally at 8 I called the Maternity Center to tell them I was coming in. They were still wary because my contractions were, on average, still pretty far apart. I then realized it was 8am so my doctors office was open. I said maybe I would call there. The labor nurse said “do whatever you want, just call back if you’re coming in.” I called the office and they had me come in because they were going to hook me up to the NST and check everything out.

As soon as we got into the car, my contractions quickened to 3-4 minutes apart all the way there. Luckily, it was only about a 15 minute drive because they were also getting a lot more intense. Dr. C checked my cervix and said I was 5-6cm. She said “You’re having the baby today.” As we walked to the maternity center I was elated. Already 5-6cm. That’s over halfway there. I became more confident in my ability to do this delivery naturally. The doctor’s office called as we were waiting to be checked in & the receptionist asked me if I was being induced. Apparently I must’ve looked pretty darn good. Then we met Cindy, who I soon would find out if the best labor nurse ever! I told her about all the pain in my back and she encouraged me to lean on the railing each time I had a contraction as we walked to our room. We got settled into room 2172.

I was hooked up to the monitor for about 20-30 minutes. Cindy encouraged me to try different positions every 30 minutes as it would help with trying to deliver naturally. So after the monitor we walked the halls for 30 minutes, got in rocking chair (I did not like that at all and only stuck with it for 3-4 contractions), and sat on birthing ball. Cindy said maybe the tub would be next step because it helps a lot of people with the pain. She told me she would have to check my cervix first because they don’t want you in the tub if you’re at 10cm. Cindy went to her lunch break and we got a new nurse for a bit. She checked me in the tub and said I was at 10cm but my water bag was still intact. She let me stay in the tub for a bit while she called Dr. C to see if she wanted to break my water.

About noon the doctor came and broke my water. She asked Cindy, who was fresh back from lunch, if I had been having any back labor to which she replied that was all I had been having. Dr. C said the baby was traverse and I immediately panicked. Traverse?!!?! I looked at Cindy and said “She’s traverse?” She must’ve been able to sense my concern because she reassures me & the doctor explains that Beanie has moved so she is facing my hips/pelvis and not my back anymore. So Beanie is halfway to where she needs to be. Doctor explains she has to do a quick surgery & encourages me to hold off pushing as long as I can since it can be very tiring and take a long time for first time moms and to give Beanie time to turn around more.

Cindy has me get on my knees leaning my arms over the back of the hospital bed which was semi-upright. I keep breathing and Glenn gets me a popsicle. We do this for about a half hour until Beanie’s heart rate dropped suddenly. Cindy had me move positions since Beanie didn’t like that position anymore. She had me lay on my left side and immediately Beanie’s heart rate went back up. She had my try a test push and then said it was time to call Dr. C and have the baby. She takes a picture of Glenn and I and says “Ready to push and smiling—don’t show this to people, they’ll be mad.”

The doctor comes in and asks if I’m about to have a contraction because she says she can’t tell by my face. Said she never would’ve guessed I was 5-6cm this morning by looking at me that morning.

Time to push! After a few pushes, I say “It feels like her head is still out of me” and Cindy has me reach down and touch Beanie’s head. After only 5 or 6 pushes (about ten minutes worth) Beanie is here!

******

Ah, nice to read over 2 years after the fact. I was so pleased with how everything went with Beanie's birth. I'm hoping for as good of luck this time around!

Swine Flu Schmine Flu.

So, is the swine flu really getting worse or is the media just catastrophisizing about it like they do about everything else?

I've always been in the camp that the media is making WAY too big of a deal about the silly old swine flu. I mean, more people have died of the plain old run of the mill flu but you don't hear them going on and on about that. Or do you?

Well, now that I'm pregnant I keep hearing about how there is a new strain that "targets" pregnant women. How all pregnant women should be vaccinated...you know with the vaccine they are rushing through clinical trials in order to have it ready for the "real" start of flu season. I have never gotten a flu shot (even when pregnant with Beanie) and I don't plan to this year. I definitely don't plan on getting one that hasn't been fully tested on anyone, let alone a pregnant woman or a developing fetus.

However, there's the sillyness in my head wondering about this stupid swine flu. I mean, do I arm myself with hand sanitizer and never go to storytime? Do we quartine ourselves in the house? Not going to happen.

So, what do other mamas think? What are you doing about the swine flu?