The FSM versus what?

I've toyed with the idea of writing this particular entry for a few days here. Its personal and I'm sure it might offend some or even give others hope for my otherwise damned soul. Who knows? But this is my blog, right? And the mere fact that I have been thinking about this particular post for a few days means I should probably just sit down and type it out.

Last week Glenn bought some parenting books, one of them being Parenting Beyond Belief. I have heard great things about it and have been wanting to read it for some time so I was excited to hear that was one of the ones he bought. He took it with him while he was out of town and I have been reading The Happiest Toddler on the Block. When he came home the other day I asked him how he liked Parenting Beyond Belief. He said there were a few good things in there, but it was a little too anti-religion, we-atheists-are-free-thinkers-and-you-religious-folk-aren't for him. He said maybe it was more up my alley. I've always joked (half joking, half serious) that I belong to the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. I'm not "into" organized religion, really religion at all I guess and I've always enjoyed the the Open Letter to the Kansas School Board. Anyway, Glenn and I started talking about religion over our chips & salsa at the Mexican restaurant the other day. He said I would laugh, but that he had been praying lately, although he didn't know to whom. I didn't laugh. The other day when things were going to pot I found myself thinking Please god just let this be okay. Weird, huh? Probably even weirder to me as I caught myself (as I was thinking this) wondering just who I was talking to.

Honestly, I don't know what I think/believe anymore. I know I don't believe in the Big G god, but is there something else out there? Some other force behind the things that happen? Who knows. I know in the last few years I've been placing myself closer and closer to the atheist end of the atheist/agnostic spectrum (not because of Glenn or anything he thinks, much to my uber-religious mom's surprise), but maybe I'm not so atheist as I think.

I've been processing this all in my mind and what better way to help process than to blog? I guess I'll just go back to defining myself as agnostic for now. But, come to think of it, who needs that (or any) definition anyway? Defining ourselves only helps other people, right?