Dresses.

*Sigh*

Big ol' freakin sigh.

Today I went shopping for some dresses for mother-in-law's surprise birthday shindig next week. I found two that I liked (sort of) and ended up buying them. Glenn said they looked great. Me? I'm not so convinced. I've been having a horrible case of bad body image lately. Like everything I put on just doesn't seem to fit right. I had to bust out the box of jeans from the fall after I had Beanie. I'll admit some of them are a little big, but one of the pairs is all I've been able to fit in lately. All of my shirts seem to tight around the belly. I'm just feeling down about it all so it definitely isn't the optimal time to go out and buy some new dresses.

And, logically, I know I'm in pretty good shape and I'm relatively thin. Okay, yea I'm pretty thin. I *know* I'm not going to look like I did three or four years ago when I was training kung fu for 10+ hours a week and I was all muscle. I know that, but sometimes that little voice in my head still beats me up about it. It probably doesn't help to have a mother who, at 55 years old, 5'7" and 125 lbs, thinks she needs to lose weight and weighs herself every morning. I don't really remember her saying anything about my weight/body when I was younger, but I'm sure some of her unhealthy views have someone pervaded my unconsciousness.

So, dress shopping totally sucked. I'm not in love with either of the dresses I picked out. The one I really like feels a bit too tight around the belly for me. Well, not feels too tight but I'm just too damn hard on myself so I think it looks too tight. Plus, it doesn't really seem ideal for a hot Georgia summer day. I might still head out and try to find another. I know I'm already going to be all anxious for this party thing (which I found out today is at a mansion that my father-in-law rented out) so I don't really want to add stressing about how I look in my dress to the equation.