And it's a very small but...
I wish I would've had a midwife caring for me during my entire pregnancy. I wish I would've had the courage to take the leap and transfer care much earlier in our pregnancy. Don't get me wrong, I'm so glad I did transfer care when I did, but I sure wish I could've walked out of every prenatal appointment with a smile on my face and a skip in my step. Okay, maybe not the skip in my step, especially with contractions from doing just about anything from 33weeks on, but you get the idea. I wish I wouldn't have kept telling myself that my OB was so great with Beanie's birth and that we would be able to have the same experience again with her.
I am so glad that when I was 33 weeks pregnant my OB's office totally dropped the ball, pissed me off and gave me the courage to transfer care. It was just the extra push I needed to really feel comfortable with my prenatal care. And given how Bubby's birth went, the fact that I transferred care to a midwife probably saved me from a lot of unnecessary intervention and, quite possibly, a c-section. (Not that a c-section is the end of the world, obviously there are times when a c-section is warranted for both mom and baby's health -- just in my situation Bubby obviously needed a little more time than I'm sure the OB would've "given" me.)
I should be thankful that I have had two straightforward and natural deliveries. That my two babes entered this world peacefully. Pushing with Bubby was a lot more work than with Beanie -- the only thing I wonder about his birth is if I should have consented to AROM to help with his descent (the MW thought perhaps the bulging water bag was slowing his descent somewhat and he was already at +1 station). On the other hand, it could've gotten him stuck and I know that. I made my decision as an informed mama -- and I was glad to stick to my guns and have absolutely no intervention with Bubby's birth. Beanie's birth truly exceeded my expectations as a first time mom. Bubby's birth, while completely different than I envisioned, showed me that I was a much stronger person than I knew.
We've always said we'd only have two kids. I only want two kids. My little family feels complete. But I do regret not switching care earlier, really doing what deep down I knew was best for the two of us. I sort of wish I'd had the chance to experience a birth center (or home) birth. But, what's done is done.
I don't know. I feel a bit silly posting about this when many mamas work through much more difficult circumstances. I feel very, very lucky to have had two births go (pretty much) just how I wished.
But, but, but...
Glenn scheduled his snip-snip (or, as he calls it, getting "donkey kicked in the balls") for September. I've been on him to schedule the darn thing already. I feel it's a good decision, THE correct decision since we feel as though our family is complete.
I'll never have a pregnancy attended wholly by a midwife. I'll never give birth in a birth center or at home.
I did get to have two of the most amazing experience of my life. And two perfect little babies (who are getting bigger every day!) to boot.
And I can advocate and help inform friends and family who give birth after me so that they are well-informed (truly informed) about their birth options.