Friday, August 13, 2010

We're done having kids, but...

And it's a very small but...

I wish I would've had a midwife caring for me during my entire pregnancy. I wish I would've had the courage to take the leap and transfer care much earlier in our pregnancy. Don't get me wrong, I'm so glad I did transfer care when I did, but I sure wish I could've walked out of every prenatal appointment with a smile on my face and a skip in my step. Okay, maybe not the skip in my step, especially with contractions from doing just about anything from 33weeks on, but you get the idea. I wish I wouldn't have kept telling myself that my OB was so great with Beanie's birth and that we would be able to have the same experience again with her.

I am so glad that when I was 33 weeks pregnant my OB's office totally dropped the ball, pissed me off and gave me the courage to transfer care. It was just the extra push I needed to really feel comfortable with my prenatal care. And given how Bubby's birth went, the fact that I transferred care to a midwife probably saved me from a lot of unnecessary intervention and, quite possibly, a c-section. (Not that a c-section is the end of the world, obviously there are times when a c-section is warranted for both mom and baby's health -- just in my situation Bubby obviously needed a little more time than I'm sure the OB would've "given" me.)

I should be thankful that I have had two straightforward and natural deliveries. That my two babes entered this world peacefully. Pushing with Bubby was a lot more work than with Beanie -- the only thing I wonder about his birth is if I should have consented to AROM to help with his descent (the MW thought perhaps the bulging water bag was slowing his descent somewhat and he was already at +1 station). On the other hand, it could've gotten him stuck and I know that. I made my decision as an informed mama -- and I was glad to stick to my guns and have absolutely no intervention with Bubby's birth. Beanie's birth truly exceeded my expectations as a first time mom. Bubby's birth, while completely different than I envisioned, showed me that I was a much stronger person than I knew.

We've always said we'd only have two kids. I only want two kids. My little family feels complete. But I do regret not switching care earlier, really doing what deep down I knew was best for the two of us. I sort of wish I'd had the chance to experience a birth center (or home) birth. But, what's done is done.

I don't know. I feel a bit silly posting about this when many mamas work through much more difficult circumstances. I feel very, very lucky to have had two births go (pretty much) just how I wished.

But, but, but...

Glenn scheduled his snip-snip (or, as he calls it, getting "donkey kicked in the balls") for September. I've been on him to schedule the darn thing already. I feel it's a good decision, THE correct decision since we feel as though our family is complete.

I'll never have a pregnancy attended wholly by a midwife. I'll never give birth in a birth center or at home.

I did get to have two of the most amazing experience of my life. And two perfect little babies (who are getting bigger every day!) to boot.

And I can advocate and help inform friends and family who give birth after me so that they are well-informed (truly informed) about their birth options.


  1. I understand... We say we're done but won't do anything permanent to prevent right now. I've been journaling some about the boys' births trying to work through the disappointments. I would love another chance where I could actually experience giving birth. Or at least being in labor. I'm just not ready to permanently deny myself that opportunity...

  2. I understand too! We have talked about having more, but right now it's more of a hope than in the plans. If everything aligned, I'd be all for having more, but it's just not happening in the near future. So right now we're not doing anything permanent to stop having kids, but I'm not sure we will be. It's sad to think about. I'd like to have a better birth, another chance at breastfeeding, and new baby smell! But, there's too much more to consider!


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