Sunday, November 21, 2010






The last few days have been hard. I feel like there is a giant dark cloud hanging over me. Even when the day starts out fairly well the cloud comes and permeates everything. It seems to come with no warning and for no reason. It's just there. I want it gone.

I am lucky to have such a supportive husband. He is my rock. I feel bad for leaning on him so heavily right now, but he is my constant source of support and comfort.

My first counseling appointment is next week. It seems so far away. Dang holiday getting in the way.

It seems there is little that makes me stay happy for long. Before the cloud comes back. But today, it snowed. Just a little, like so little you had to squint to see it most of the time. Beanie was so excited. She was going on and on (and on and on) about the snow. She wanted to put on her snow boots and snow clothes. She was ready to go out and play, to build a snowman. She was singing songs about the snow, the squirrels and birds playing in it, and how happy she was.

I was happy too, really truly happy.


  1. This is a beautiful post. I'm so sorry that you are struggling with PPD. But I think it's great that you are being so open about it and are getting the help that you deserve.

  2. Thanks Amanda! I almost didn't publish because I kept thinking, who really wants to hear about how crappy I feel? But, at the same time, I feel like if moms don't post about the times they are really struggling then the cycle perpetuates itself where people think they "should" be able to handle it on their own.

  3. I really hope that you have a good couple of days before you are able to meet with the counselor. For me, talking to someone has been a big piece of the PPD/ anxiety solution but it's still a work in progress. If you're free to meet up for an hour or two sometime, I'd love to.

  4. Sending you hugs. PPD is so hard to get through, but you aren't alone. We understand.


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