Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Struggling to Be a Gentle Parent

It's been a rough day today with Beanie. I feel like there was a lot of yelling (mostly on her part although some on mine too). I just feel like whatever we are doing discipline-wise with her is not working for her or, really, for any of us.

Beanie has done amazingly well transitioning into her role as big sister. There have been struggles, but, for the most part, I was pretty excited with how well she took on her new role. Within the last month or so things have become more difficult.

I know a lot of her problems right now come from wanting attention. Glenn and I try to make sure that we each have one-on-one time with her. Lately it's been harder for me because Bubby is in that stage where mommy can not be out of sight. We try to make the most of mother-daughter time during Bubby's naps. The change in our relationship has been hard on me and, obviously, on her as well.

She is also learning how to interact appropriately with her brother now that he is becoming more talkative and mobile (he's an expert army crawler). I know she is wanting to show love to her brother, but her attempts are often too rough and I feel like we're always saying, "don't grab your brother's hands so hard," "don't grab his neck," "be gentle," and so on and so forth. We need to help her and give her the opportunity to show that love (appropriately) more often.

Our bedtime routine tonight was especially rough. Things just aren't working. I find myself not being the parent I want to be. It's hard because my own PPD and anxiety cause me to be a little on edge even before the normal three-and-a-half year old stuff hits.

I've had some books that I've wanted to read for some time now. I know my mom bought me Playful Parenting for Christmas and I've been wanting to get Unconditional Parenting for quite some time.

Any other books you'd recommend?


  1. I'm right there with you on the struggle! One book you might like is "Power Struggles" by Jane Faulk. I also have "Adventures in Gentle Discipline" published by LLL if you'd like to borrow it.

  2. Maybe the counselor will have some good suggestions?

  3. You are more than welcome to have my copy of "Unconditional Parenting" if you want it. I bought a copy to read out of curiosity, but I don't want to keep it.

  4. I've heard great things about Positive Discipline, but I'm only on the second chapter so far.

  5. another good book is how to talk so kids will listen by faber and mazlish, and siblings without rivalry by the same authors.

    good luck! 3 is a tough age even without sibling jealousy, so go easy on yourself.

  6. This is a hard age, and with a new baby and PPD can make everything seem way larger than what it is. Know that you are a great mother and your children know that you love them dearly. I agree - go easy on yourself. We have good days and bad days as parents, and one thing that helps me on a rough day is that tomorrow is a new day with a new start. Children are very resilient and that fresh new day brings on so many new opportunities to connect with each other. I really love Jan Hunt's website and book. Have you seen it? She has some great free articles online at www.naturalparentingproject.org and her book is on there (I can't think of the title at the moment). peace and love:)


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