I told myself I wouldn't get back online this morning. I have a ton of stuff to do and things to take care of. It's T minus one week till Beanie's birthday party and I have a lot to do between now and then. But, I feel compelled to blog right now. We'll just have to make sure it's let's-write-a-blog time and not let's-check-everything-a-million-times time.
***Warning -- diaper talk to ensue***
I just changed Bubby's diaper. Inside there was one tiny speck of blood. I saw it and was immediately crushed. Yes, it was only one tiny speck. But specks are the precursor to bloody diapers. Which would signal to me that there is something more going on than just the fact that I accidentally consumed dairy last week.
I'm crushed. I'm frustrated. I just want answers. I want what's best for Bubby. And, what's holding me back from going whole hog and eliminating all the major allergens from my diet? Nothing but selfishness I suppose. I mean, I have to give up all this stuff? What the hell am I going to eat?
I wish there was some way to make this easy. I can totally see why people throw in the towel on breastfeeding now. If I wasn't really, really, really committed to making this work it would seem so overwhelming right now. Between the thrush and the food intolerances and everything....well, it is a bit overwhelming. And frustrating. Very, very frustrating.
Right now Bubby is smiley and giggly and bouncing around in his bouncer. He's happy. I want nothing more than for him to feel like that all the time. It breaks my heart to see him in pain. It stresses me out to try to figure out what is wrong with him, what I can do to help, etc etc. But, I think I've developed a plan for now. For the next week I'm going to have absolutely no dairy and no soy. I'm going to do my best to eliminate the other allergens as much as I can. It actually shouldn't be too hard, minus the eggs and wheat. So I suppose I can say I'll eliminate everything minus eggs and wheat, but be very conscious of those too. See, here's my selfishness again -- it's just eggs and wheat. Writing through this has made me realize I should just go for it. I haven't had any allergens today so it's as good of day as any to start, I guess.
I'm going to head to PCC or Metro Market today or tomorrow and shop for some stuff so I don't feel so deprived. The one thing I've really been missing is creamer in my coffee. Apparently there is a coffee creamer made from coconut milk. They also make ice-cream!!! Perfect for summertime. I'll delve into more of the tips the friend from art class told me about later. Right now I need to get back to getting things done.
If you're dairy & soy free and have some meal ideas for me, please share! Or just give me some support -- this has been quite a ride for me. I can't wait till we can figure out exactly what is going on here.